Fact Check: Timeline Of U.S. Withdrawal From Afghanistan - Key Decisions By Two Administrations

(By Eugene Kiely and Robert Farley, Factcheck.org, 17 August 2021)

The blame game has begun over who lost Afghanistan.  The fact is, President Joe Biden and his predecessor, Donald Trump, were both eager to withdraw U.S. troops from Afghanistan and end what Biden referred to in his Aug. 16 speech as “America’s longest war.”

The Trump administration in February 2020 negotiated a withdrawal agreement with the Taliban that excluded the Afghan government, freed 5,000 imprisoned Taliban soldiers and set a date certain of May 1, 2021, for the final withdrawal.

And the Trump administration kept to the pact, reducing U.S. troop levels from about 13,000 to 2,500, even though the Taliban continued to attack Afghan government forces and welcomed al-Qaeda terrorists into the Taliban leadership.

Biden delayed the May 1 withdrawal date that he inherited. But ultimately his administration pushed ahead with a plan to withdraw by Aug. 31, despite obvious signs that the Taliban wasn’t complying with the agreement and had a stated goal to create an “Islamic government” in Afghanistan after the U.S. left, even if it meant it had to “continue our war to achieve our goal.”

Biden assured Americans last month that a Taliban takeover of Afghanistan was “not inevitable,” and denied that U.S. intelligence assessed that the Afghan government would likely collapse. But it did — and quickly.

Here we lay out many of the key diplomatic decisions, military actions, presidential pronouncements and expert assessments of the withdrawal agreement that ended the U.S. military’s 20-year war in Afghanistan — a war that has “taken the lives of nearly 2,500 U.S. servicemen and servicewomen, cost a trillion dollars, and occupied the attention of four presidential administrations,” as the Afghanistan Study Group put it in a February report.

Trump Strikes a Deal

Feb. 29, 2020 — U.S. and Taliban sign an agreement that sets the terms for a U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan by May 1, 2021, but do not release two classified annexes that set the conditions for U.S. withdrawal. At the time of the agreement, the U.S. had about 13,000 troops in Afghanistan, according to a Department of Defense inspector general report.

The withdrawal of U.S. troops is contingent on the “Taliban’s action against al-Qaeda and other terrorists who could threaten us,” Trump says in a speech at the Conservative Political Active Conference. (U.S. withdrawals, however, occurred despite the fact that the Defense Department inspector general’s office repeatedly reported that the Taliban worked with al-Qaeda.)

The pact includes the release of 5,000 Taliban fighters who have been held prisoners by the Afghanistan government, which is not a party to the agreement.

March 1, 2020 — Afghan President Ashraf Ghani objects to a provision in the agreement that would require his country to release 5,000 Taliban prisoners. “Freeing Taliban prisoners is not [under] the authority of America but the authority of the Afghan government,” Ghani says. “There has been no commitment for the release of 5,000 prisoners.”

March 4, 2020 — Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley tells the Senate Armed Services Committee that the Taliban pledged in the classified documents not to attack U.S. troops and coalition forces or launch “high-profile attacks,” including in Afghanistan’s 34 provincial capitals. “[T]he Taliban have signed up to a whole series of conditions … all the Members of the Congress have all the documents associated with this agreement,” Milley says.

Despite the agreement, the Taliban attack Afghan forces in Helmand province, and the U.S. responds with an air strike.

March 10, 2020 — Under pressure from the U.S., Ghani orders the release of 1,500 Taliban prisoners, but at the rate of 100 per day.

May 19, 2020 — In releasing its quarterly report on Afghanistan, the DOD inspector general’s office says the U.S. cut troop levels in Afghanistan by more than 4,000, even though “the Taliban escalated violence further after signing the agreement.”

“U.S. officials stated the Taliban must reduce violence as a necessary condition for continued U.S. reduction in forces and that remaining high levels of violence could jeopardize the U.S.-Taliban agreement,” according to the report, which covered activity from Jan. 1, 2020, to March 31, 2020. “Even still, the United States began to reduce its forces in Afghanistan from roughly 13,000 to 8,600.”

Aug. 18, 2020 — In releasing a report that covered activity in Afghanistan from April 1, 2020, to June 30, 2020, the Defense Department inspector general’s office says, “The Taliban did not appear to uphold its commitment to distance itself from terrorist organizations in Afghanistan. UN and U.S. officials reported that the Taliban continued to support al-Qaeda, and conducted joint attacks with al-Qaeda members against Afghan National Defense and Security Forces.”

Sept. 3, 2020 — Afghanistan releases the final 400 Taliban prisoners, as required under the U.S.-Taliban agreement, clearing the way for intra-Afghan peace talks to begin.

Sept. 12, 2020 — After seven months of delays, Afghanistan government officials and Taliban representatives meet in Qatar for peace talks. The U.S.-Taliban agreement called for the first peace talks to begin on March 10.

Sept. 16, 2020 — The Taliban continued attacks on government forces. The Voice of America reported that “Taliban attacks in three provinces across northern Afghanistan since Tuesday killed at least 17 people, including six civilians, and wounded scores of others even as a Taliban political team was negotiating peace with Afghan government representatives in Doha, Qatar.”

Sept. 18, 2020 — At a press conference, Trump says, “We’re dealing very well with the Taliban.  They’re very tough, they’re very smart, they’re very sharp.  But, you know, it’s been 19 years, and even they are tired of fighting, in all fairness.”

Nov. 16, 2020 — Congressional Republicans, responding to news reports that the Trump administration will rapidly reduce forces in Afghanistan, warn of what Sen. Marco Rubio calls “a Saigon-type of situation” in Afghanistan. “A rapid withdrawal of U.S. forces from Afghanistan now would hurt our allies and delight the people who wish us harm,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says.

Nov. 17, 2020 — Acting Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller formally announces that the U.S. will reduce U.S. forces in Afghanistan to 2,500 by Jan. 15, 2021.

On the same day, the Defense Department IG’s office released a report for the quarter ending Sept. 30, 2020, that said the peace negotiations between the Afghan government and Taliban representatives had stalled and violence increased. “At the same time, the Taliban increased its attacks against Afghan forces, leading to ‘distressingly high’ levels of violence that could threaten the peace agreement,” the report said.

Dec. 2, 2020 — After past false starts, Afghan and Taliban negotiators agree on a framework to govern peace negotiations. “At the same time, the Taliban continued its ‘fight and talk’ strategy, increasing violence across the country to increase its leverage with the Afghan government in negotiations,” the Defense Department IG’s office said a quarterly report covering this period.

The IG report also continued to warn that the Taliban was apparently violating the withdrawal agreement. “This withdrawal is contingent on the Taliban abiding by its commitments under the agreement, which include not allowing terrorists to use Afghan soil to threaten the United States and its allies,” the report said. “However, it was unclear whether the Taliban was in compliance with the agreement, as members of al-Qaeda were integrated into the Taliban’s leadership and command structure.”

Jan. 15 — “Today, U.S. force levels in Afghanistan have reached 2,500,” Miller, the acting defense secretary, says in a statement. “[T]his drawdown brings U.S. forces in the country to their lowest levels since 2001.”

Afghanistan’s First Vice President Amrullah Saleh tells the BBC that the Trump administration made too many concessions to the Taliban. “I am telling [the United States] as a friend and as an ally that trusting the Taliban without putting in a verification mechanism is going to be a fatal mistake,” Saleh says, adding that Afghanistan leaders warned the U.S. that “violence will spike” as the 5,000 Taliban prisoners were released. “Violence has spiked,” he added.

Biden Follows Through

Feb. 3 — The Afghanistan Study Group, which was created by Congress in December 2019 and charged with making policy recommendations for a peaceful transition in Afghanistan, releases a report recommending changes to the agreement with the Taliban. “The most important revision is to ensure that a complete withdrawal of U.S. troops is based not on an inflexible timeline but on all parties fulfilling their commitments, including the Taliban making good on its promises to contain terrorist groups and reduce violence against the Afghan people, and making compromises to achieve a political settlement,” it said.

Feb. 19 — Biden reiterates his campaign promise to bring U.S. troops home from Afghanistan, saying during remarks at the Munich Security Conference, “My administration strongly supports the diplomatic process that’s underway and to bring an end to this war that is closing out 20 years. We remain committed to ensuring that Afghanistan never again provides a base for terrorist attacks against the United States and our partners and our interests.”

March 7 — Secretary of State Antony Blinken tells Afghanistan President Ashra Ghani that, despite future U.S. financial assistance, he is “concerned that the security situation will worsen and the Taliban could make rapid territorial gains.”

March 25 — Gen. Richard Clarke, commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command, tells the Senate Armed Services Committee that “it is clear that the Taliban have not upheld what they said they would do and reduce the violence. While…they have not attacked U.S. forces, it is clear that they took a deliberate approach and increased their violence…since the peace accords were signed.”

March 25 — During a press conference at the White House, Biden says “it’s going to be hard to meet the May 1 deadline. Just in terms of tactical reasons, it’s hard to get those troops out.” He assures that “if we leave, we’re going to do so in a safe and orderly way.” Without committing to a pullout date, Biden says, “it is not my intention to stay there for a long time. But the question is: How and in what circumstances do we meet that agreement that was made by President Trump to leave under a deal that looks like it’s not being able to be worked out to begin with? How is that done? But we are not staying a long time.”

April 14 — Saying it is “time to end the forever war,” Biden announces that all troops will be removed from Afghanistan by Sept. 11.

In a speech explaining the decision, Biden says he became convinced after  trip to Afghanistan in 2008 that “more and endless American military force could not create or sustain a durable Afghan government.” Biden says the U.S. achieved its initial and primary objective, “to ensure Afghanistan would not be used as a base from which to attack our homeland again” and that “our reasons for remaining in Afghanistan are becoming increasingly unclear.”

Biden says he “inherited a diplomatic agreement” between the U.S. and the Taliban that all U.S. forces would be out by May 1. “It is perhaps not what I would have negotiated myself, but it was an agreement made by the United States government, and that means something,” Biden says, adding that final troop withdrawal would begin on May 1.

“We will not conduct a hasty rush to the exit,” Biden says. “We’ll do it responsibly, deliberately, and safely.” Biden assures Americans that the U.S. has “trained and equipped a standing force of over 300,000 Afghan personnel” and that “they’ll continue to fight valiantly, on behalf of the Afghans, at great cost.”

April 15 — In response to Biden’s decision to delay full withdrawal until Sept. 11, the Taliban releases a statement that says failure to complete the withdrawal by May 1 “opens the way for [the Taliban] to take every necessary countermeasure, hence the American side will be held responsible for all future consequences.”

April 18 — In a released statement, Trump criticizes Biden’s Sept. 11 withdrawal deadline saying, “we can and should get out earlier.” He concludes, “Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible.”

May 18 — The Defense Department IG releases a report for the first three months of 2021 that says the Taliban had increased its attacks against Afghanistan government forces during this period and appears to be preparing with al-Qaeda for “large-scale offensives.”

“The Taliban initiated 37 percent more attacks this quarter than during the same period in 2020,” the report said. “According to the Defense Intelligence Agency, the Taliban maintained close ties with al-Qaeda and was very likely preparing for large-scale offensives against population centers and Afghan government installations.”

May 18 — In a House hearing on U.S. policy in Afghanistan, Zalmay Khalilzad, the U.S. special representative for Afghanistan reconciliation, downplays the prospect of a swift Taliban takeover when U.S. forces leave. “If they [Taliban] pursue, in my judgment, a military victory, it will result in a long war, because Afghan security forces will fight, other Afghans will fight, neighbors will come to support different forces,” Khalilzad says.

Later Khalilzad added, “I personally believe that the statements that the [Afghan] forces will disintegrate, and the Talibs will take over in short order are mistaken. The real choices that the Afghans will face is between a long war and negotiated settlement.”

June 8 — Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid tells Foreign Policy that after foreign forces leave Afghanistan the group’s goal is to create an “Islamic government,” and “we will be compelled to continue our war to achieve our goal.”

June 26 — At a rally in Ohio, his first since leaving office, Trump boasts that Biden can’t stop the process he started to remove troops from Afghanistan, and acknowledges the Afghan government won’t last once U.S. troops leave.

“I started the process,” Trump says. “All the troops are coming back home. They [the Biden administration] couldn’t stop the process. 21 years is enough. Don’t we think? 21 years. They couldn’t stop the process. They wanted to, but it was very tough to stop the process when other things… It’s a shame. 21 years, by a government that wouldn’t last. The only way they last is if we’re there. What are we going to say? We’ll stay for another 21 years, then we’ll stay for another 50. The whole thing is ridiculous. … We’re bringing troops back home from Afghanistan.”

July 6 — The U.S. military confirms it has pulled out of Bagram Airfield, its largest airfield in the Afghanistan, as the final withdrawal nears.

July 8 — Saying “speed is safety,” Biden moves up the timeline for full troop withdrawal to Aug. 31. Biden acknowledges the move comes as the Taliban “is at its strongest militarily since 2001.” Biden says if he went back on the agreement that Trump made, the Taliban “would have again begun to target our forces” and that “staying would have meant U.S. troops taking casualties. … Once that agreement with the Taliban had been made, staying with a bare minimum force was no longer possible.”

Biden assures Americans that a Taliban takeover of Afghanistan “is not inevitable,” and denies that U.S. intelligence assessed that the Afghan government would likely collapse.

Asked if he sees any parallels between the withdrawals from Vietnam Afghanistan, Biden responds, “None whatsoever. Zero. … The Taliban is not the south — the North Vietnamese army. They’re not — they’re not remotely comparable in terms of capability.  There’s going to be no circumstance where you see people being lifted off the roof of a embassy in the — of the United States from Afghanistan.  It is not at all comparable.”

Biden adds that “the likelihood there’s going to be the Taliban overrunning everything and owning the whole country is highly unlikely.”

Biden also promises to help accelerate the issuance of special visas for Afghan nationals who helped the U.S. during the war.

July 24 — At a rally in Phoenix, Trump again boasts, “I started the move out of Afghanistan,” adding “I think it was impossible for him [Biden] to stop it, but it was a much different deal.”

Trump says that when he was president, in a phone conversation with the leader of the Taliban, he warned that after U.S. troops leave if “you decide to do something terrible to our country … we are going to come back and we are going to hit you harder than any country has ever been hit.” Trump says he believes the two “had a real understanding” but that after Trump left office “now they’re going wild over there.”

Aug. 6 — The Taliban takes control of its first province — the capital of Nimroz province in Afghanistan — despite the agreement it signed with the U.S.

Aug. 15 — Taliban fighters enter the Afghanistan capital Kabul; the Afghan president flees the country; U.S. evacuates diplomats from its embassy by helicopter.

Aug. 16 — In a speech to the nation, Biden says, “I do not regret my decision to end America’s warfighting in Afghanistan,” and deflected blame for the government’s swift collapse.

“The truth is: This did unfold more quickly than we had anticipated. So what’s happened? Afghanistan political leaders gave up and fled the country. The Afghan military collapsed, sometimes without trying to fight,” the president said. “If anything, the developments of the past week reinforced that ending U.S. military involvement in Afghanistan now was the right decision.”

https://www.factcheck.org/2021/08/timeline-of-u-s-withdrawal-from-afghanistan/

Coronavirus, Allergies Or Flu? Here's The Difference Between COVID-19 And Other Illnesses

(Nicole Villalpando and Adrianna Rodriguez, USA Today, 20 March 2020)

It's allergy season and we haven't exactly cleared flu season yet, but that hasn't stopped the new coronavirus from spreading throughout the nation and creating a new normal for Americans who are now stuck at home.  Symptoms of the coronavirus include a fever, dry cough and shortness of breath, but those symptoms closely resemble other illnesses, as well. So, how do you know if you have coronavirus or something else?

Dr. Maria Granzotti, chief medical officer at Ascension Texas, breaks down the differences between allergies, cold, strep, flu and COVID-19 to put your mind more at ease before going to the doctor.

Allergies

• Runny nose
• Sneezing
• Red, swollen eyes
• Itchy eyes
• Itchy nose
• Tickle in the throat
• Rarely a fever

Cold

• Runny nose
• Sneezing
• Sore throat
• Aches and pains
• Mild dry cough
• Rarely a fever

Strep

• Sore throat
• Painful swallowing
• Fever

Flu

• Fever is common
• Dry cough
• Quick onset
• Headache
• Sore throat
• Fatigue
• Sometimes a runny nose
• Sometimes diarrhea

New coronavirus, COVID-19

• Shortness of breath
• Fever (above 100 degrees)
• Dry cough
• Gradual onset (two to 14 days after onset)
• Sometimes headache
• Sometimes aches and pains
• Mild sneezing
• Sometimes fatigue, but it’s not predominate like the flu
• Diarrhea is rare

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2020/03/20/coronavirus-allergies-cold-flu-strep-these-differences/2882663001/

What You Know About July 4th Is Wrong

(By Valerie Strauss, Washington Post, 02 July 2014)

You learned in school about what happened in July 1776, and think you have a good handle on events surrounding American independence from Great Britain. Right?  Well, if you think that was the day that America’s independence was declared by the Continental Congress meeting in Philadelphia, you are wrong.  And if you think that that was the day that members of the Congress signed the new Declaration of Independence, as depicted in a famous canvas painting by John Trumbull, (which now hangs in the Rotunda of the Capitol of the United States), you are wrong.

And if you think that Thomas Jefferson alone wrote the Declaration of Independence, or the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia was made to ring to announce independence, or that Betsy Ross sewed the first American flag at the request of George Washington, you are wrong, wrong and wrong. And if you never learned about George Washington’s own declaration, that’s another gap in your historical knowledge.  Here, adapted from George Mason University’s History News Network as well as from some other sources, including Joseph J. Ellis’s book titled “Revolutionary Summer: The Birth of American Independence,” here are some truths about July 4th that may be news to you. (Note: I’ve published some of this before for July 4th).

American independence from Great Britain was not decided on July 4th.

Actually, the Continental Congress voted on July 2, 1776 to declare independence. On the night of July 2nd, the Pennsylvania Evening Post published the statement: “This day the Continental Congress declared the United Colonies Free and Independent States.” John Adams thought July 2 was going to be the day future Americans celebrated, or so he said in a letter to his wife, Abigail Adams:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.

In fact, Ellis makes the case that that Adams “liked to claim that the resolution of May 15 was the real declaration of independence and that Jefferson’s more famous declaration six weeks later was a merely ceremonial afterthought.” The resolution of May 15, which was actually approved on May 12, was a formal call for the colonies to write new state constitutions that would “replace the colonial constitutions. On May 15, Adams added a preface that placed the resolution in the context of the historical march to independence.

George Washington issued his own important declaration on July 2nd, Ellis wrote, without knowing what was happening in Philadelphia. In his General Orders on that day, he wrote:

“The time is now at hand which must probably determine, Whether Americans are to be, Freeman, or Slaves; whether they are to have any property they can call their own; whether their Houses and Farms are to be pillaged and destroyed, and they consigned to a State of Wretchedness from which no human efforts will probably deliver them. The fate of the unborn Millions will now depend, under God, on the conduct of this army…. Let us therefore animate and encourage each other, and show the whole world, that a Freeman contending for Liberty on his own ground is superior to any slavish mercenary on earth.”

So what happened on July 4th, 1776?

The Continental Congress approved the Declaration of Independence, which was mostly written by Thomas Jefferson but subject to edits by the other members of the five-man team appointed to come up with the document (Ben Franklin, Robert Livingston, John Adams and Roger Sherman) as well as the full Continental Congress. Franklin had first right of refusal to draft the document, and he took it; Adams also said he did not want to, so the job fell to Jefferson. He finished the first draft during the third week of June, Ellis wrote.

But Americans didn’t first celebrate independence until July 8, when Philadelphia threw a big party, including a parade and the firing of guns. The army under George Washington, then camped near New York City, heard the news July 9 and celebrated then. Georgia got the word August 10th. And the British in London found out on August 30th.  Though both Jefferson and Adams later claimed the signing ceremony took place on July 4th, David McCullough wrotes in his biography of John Adams:  “No such scene, with all the delegates present, ever occurred at Philadelphia.”  In fact, most delegates signed the document on August 2nd, when a clean copy was finally produced by Timothy Matlack, assistant to the secretary of Congress; some waited even later to sign, and the names on the document were made public only in January 1777.

The Liberty Bell did not ring in American Independence, despite the famous story about how a boy with blond hair and blue eyes was posted next to Independence Hall to give a signal to an old man in the bell tower when independence was declared. The story was concocted in the middle of the 19th century by writer George Lippard in a book intended for children. The book was aptly titled, “Legends of the American Revolution.” There was no pretense that the story was genuine.  In fact, the bell was not even named in honor of American independence. It received the moniker in the early 19th century when abolitionists used it as a symbol of the antislavery movement. And the famous crack? The bell cracked because it was badly designed.

It is also true that Betsy Ross did not in fact sew the first American flag despite the story that George Washington himself asked her to. It is not known who actually sewed the first flag, but it was designed by Francis Hopkinson, a signer of the Declaration. Records show that in May 1780 he sent a bill to the Board of Admiralty for designing the “flag of the United States.” A small group of descendants works hard to keep his name alive.  You may have learned that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the Fourth of July. They did, but the well-known story isn’t all true.  On July 4, 1826, Adams, the second president, and Jefferson, the third president, both died, exactly 50 years after the adoption of Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence. The country took it as a sign of American divinity.  But there is no proof to the long-told story that Adams, dying, uttered, “Jefferson survives,” which was said to be especially poignant, as Jefferson had died just hours before without Adams knowing it. Mark that as just another story we wished so hard were true we convinced ourselves it is.  By the way, James Monroe, our fifth president, died on July 4, 1831. And Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president, was born on July 4, 1872.  Have a Happy Fourth!

http://m.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/07/02/what-you-know-about-july-4th-is-wrong/

Yelp, Inc. – The Online Review Saga Continues

I found this summary of a local northern Virginia business suing Yelp for leaving up false and damaging user reviews to be fascinating and I would love to see what the outcome is.  It has big implications for the whole online review process.  I'd like to see "trolls" get their come-uppance.

Yelp, Inc. – The Online Review Saga Continues

(By Matthew A. Lafferman, Alexandria Chamber Of Commerce newsletter)

In our March issue, we reported on two recent Virginia court cases dealing with false and damaging online reviews. There has been an important development in one of these cases, as of the parties, the online review website Yelp, has filed an appeal with the Supreme Court of Virginia.

Hadeed’s Defamation Suit

In Yelp, Inc. v. Hadeed Carpet Cleaning Inc., a carpet cleaning business based in Alexandria, Virginia, Hadeed Carpet Cleaning (“Hadeed”), filed a defamation lawsuit against seven anonymous individuals who posted on Yelp negative reviews about Hadeed. A day after filing suit, Hadeed issued a subpoena to Yelp to require it to identify those persons who posted the allegedly false statements. After Yelp refused, the trial court ordered Yelp to identify the individuals.

Court of Appeals Decision

Subsequently, Yelp appealed the ruling to the Virginia Court of Appeals on the grounds that permitting subpoenas requesting the identity of anonymous online posters violated the free speech clause of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. In January 2014, however, the appeals court upheld the trial court and ordered Yelp to identify the individuals to Hadeed. In doing so, the court explained that anonymous speech is not entitled to First Amendment protection when the speech is false or defamatory.  

Furthermore, the court of appeals found that Hadeed had met the standard for issuing the subpoena by showing it had a legitimate, good faith basis for believing that the reviews were false. The court relied upon the fact that Hadeed had submitted evidence to the court that the persons who had posted the reviews had not even been Hadeed’s customers. 

Appeal to Virginia Supreme Court 

Yelp has now filed a petition for appeal with the Supreme Court of Virginia, asking the Supreme Court to overturn the Court of Appeals’ order. Yelp contends that allowing the appellate court’s order to stand would allow a company to discover an anonymous online poster merely by telling a court that the business’ “critics are not customers.” Yelp further argues that in many other states where courts have considered the issue, the state courts have protected the identity of anonymous posters unless the party seeking the information can produce evidence that the online posting is false, which Hadeed has failed to satisfy.

In opposing Yelp’s appeal, Hadeed argues that Virginia law correctly balances the interests of anonymous speakers with the interests of a person or business responding to false online postings.  Requiring a party to prove falsity before learning the identity of those who posted the reviews, Hadeed argues, would give anonymous online posters a “license to defame.”

Impact of the Appeal
Either way, a Supreme Court decision will shape how businesses keep customer records and utilize online review platforms. If the Supreme Court overturns the Court of Appeals’ decision and requires greater proof of falsity before a business can learn the identity of online posters, many businesses may require more detailed information from customers in an effort to more effectively identify and respond to false reviews. On the other hand, if the court upholds the decision, some former customers may be discouraged from posting negative reviews on websites out of fear of potential lawsuits. This could substantially reduce the usefulness of these online review websites for businesses to promote their products and services. Accordingly, all Virginia businesses need to keep abreast of further developments in the case.

Matthew Lafferman is an associate attorney in the Alexandria law firm of DiMuroGinsberg, P.C. 

 

Ten Tips and Tricks Every iPhone and iPad User Should Know

(By Katherine Boehret, Wall Street Journal)

Own an iPhone or iPad? Chances are there are some functions you're still not aware of. WSJ's Katherine Boehret has drawn up a list of 10 to help you get the most out of your devices.  It's with you every moment of every day. It reminds you of little things that you sometimes forget, like calling friends on their birthdays and picking up the dry cleaning. It sleeps by your side, resting when you rest and working when you work. It even talks back once in a while. But how well do you really know your iPhone?  After months of watching friends and family use their iPhones and iPads, I realized most of them were missing out on a lot of features. I'll walk you through 10 things you might not know your iPhone and iPad can do. Aficionados may know most of these, but typical users likely won't.

1. Directly Access Apps

If you're like most people, you have your iPhone set to show some pop-up notifications. They might show up on the home screen when you get a Facebook notification, or a text message, for instance, and even when the phone is locked and the screen is asleep. To open these messages, you don't have to first swipe to unlock your phone and then open the app. As long as your device isn't protected by a four-digit security code, swipe from left to right on the notification to open the app in which the message appeared. If you do use a code, you'll be prompted to enter it after swiping the notification.

2. Tap to Scroll Up

Give your pointer finger a rest from scrolling up, up, up to get back to the top of a page. Tap once on the status bar—where the time and battery life are displayed—at the top edge of the iPhone or iPad screen and you'll jump up to the top. This works for websites, email, Contacts and many other apps.

3. Keyboard Shortcuts

Tapping on a glass keyboard has its downsides, but a few shortcuts could ease the experience. Tap and hold the "Compose new message" button in Mail to automatically bring up all your saved email drafts. And rather than switching to the number keyboard and then switching back to the letter keyboard, tap and hold the "123" key, then drag it to a number to select it. When you lift your finger from the number, the letter keyboard will appear again.

When entering an email address, hold down the period key to see other address endings. Add emoticons to your keyboard by choosing: Settings, General, Keyboard, International Keyboards, Add New Keyboard, Emoji. When entering a Web address in the browser, hold down the .com key to see alternate URL endings, like .org and .edu.

You can split the iPad's on-screen keyboard in two so you can grasp the iPad with two hands and type with your thumbs. This is on by default, though you might not know it. (To check, go to Settings, General, Keyboard and Split Keyboard.) To see the split keyboard anytime you're using the regular keyboard, spread your two thumbs from the center of the keyboard out. Or just tap and hold the keyboard icon (bottom right corner) and select Split. An Undock option also appears and this lets you move the keyboard up or down.

4. Speed from App to App

The iPhone and iPad have many apps running in the background. There are shortcuts for jumping around apps without going to the home screen. Double tap the Home button (a physical button below the screen) to see a pop-up tray of apps and swipe to the left to scroll through them. Select one to jump to it. On the iPad, do this is by placing four fingers on the screen and swiping all of them up at once. This and other multitask gestures are on by default on the iPad 2 and newest iPad. But you have to turn them on with the first-generation iPad by going to Settings, General, Multitask Gestures.

5. Take Screenshots

Ever see something on your iPhone or iPad screen and wish you could save that image, but can't figure out how? Press the Home button and the On/Off button (top right edge) simultaneously to take a screenshot of whatever you see on the device. You'll hear the same sound as when you take a picture with the Camera app. You can find all of your screenshots stored in Camera Roll, along with your photos, and share them via email or social networks as you do regular photos.  Splitting the iPad's on-screen keyboard in two lets you grasp the iPad with two hands and type with your thumbs. This is on by default- though you may not know it.

6. Swipe to Search

Another way to quickly find apps on an iPhone or iPad is to swipe left-to-right from the home screen. This reveals a search box in which you can type the name of any app to jump right to it. This search also finds contacts, emails, calendar items and texts, as well as other things.

7. Read Websites More Easily

Stop struggling to read overcrowded Web pages on the iPhone's small screen. Instead, tap the Reader button, found in the URL bar at the top of a Web page, and you'll see a much clearer, predominantly text version of the page. Even better: This view hides advertisements. It doesn't work with all websites. This also works on the iPad.

8. A Smarter Camera (iPhone)

If you've ever wished your iPhone camera had a physical shutter button, look no further. The phone's volume up (+) button doubles as a shutter button whenever the Camera app is opened. This hard button feels sturdier all around, plus it makes it a cinch to take self-portraits or to tell strangers how to take a photo of you and your friends.

And speaking of handing your phone to strangers, don't forget about the lock-screen shortcut for opening the Camera: Slide up the camera icon (found at the bottom right of the home screen) to open Camera without unlocking the phone. You can do this with anyone's phone, regardless of whether or not you know their password because it only opens the Camera app, locking you out of all other apps—and other photos and videos—on the phone. Just the photos or videos you take at that moment will be visible to you.

9. Digital Picture Frame (iPad)

Put your iPad to work as a digital picture frame for a photo slide show. Tap the Picture Frame icon, which appears to the right of the slide-to-unlock bar on the lock screen.  If you own an iPad case, flip it into its stand-up position, place the iPad on a table, press the Picture Frame icon and walk away. Guests in your home will have to unlock the iPad to access other apps.  Photos can be pulled from all photos or specific albums, events or images of certain faces. Make these and other slide-show adjustments in Settings, Picture Frame.

10. Mute or Screen Lock (iPad)

The same button on the right edge of your iPad that locks the screen in portrait or landscape mode can double as a mute button. This comes in handy if you find yourself frequently muting the iPad. Change this button's default lock function by going into Settings, General, Use side switch to: Lock Rotation or Mute. By default, this button is on Lock Rotation. Another quick way to mute is by pulling up the multitask bar by double tapping Home (or using a four-finger swipe up), then swiping left-to-right to see a mute, as well as sliders for volume and screen brightness.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444443504577603391662755170.html?mod=e2tw

Warning Labels

Hey, Don't Say They Didn't Warn You . . .

(By Peter Carlson, Washington Post, Sept 2006)

WARNING: Do not read this newspaper while driving a motor vehicle, operating machinery or piloting an aircraft. Do not read newspaper over an open flame. Do not hold newspaper close to face while smoking a cigar the size of a billy club. Do not use newspaper as a flotation device. Newspaper may be harmful if taken internally. Reading newspaper articles may cause irritation, nausea, drowsiness, uncontrollable laughter, weeping, cynicism, confusion, depression or existential despair. Keep out of reach of children.

Okay, you've been warned. Now we can proceed to the article at hand, which is about warning labels.  They're everywhere. Warning labels appear on toothpaste tubes, music CDs, restaurant menus, dog leashes, rented movies, bottles of water, bottles of champagne, bottles of bubble bath and biology textbooks.  Warning labels inform Americans that cigarettes are unhealthy, that coffee is hot, that sleeping pills can cause drowsiness, that Tide laundry detergent is not a good food source, that baking dishes get hot in the oven, that bottles of seltzer "may spray or fizz while opening" and that it is not a good idea to eat the toner used in laser printers.  These days, new inventions beget new warning labels. Many cars feature a computer that displays a map showing how to get from where you are to where you're going. It includes this warning: "Watching this screen while vehicle is in motion can lead to a serious accident."  In the United States, some warning labels are mandated by federal or state law. Others are voluntarily affixed by businesses hoping to educate the public -- or avoid lawsuits.

Warning labels frequently incite legal and political battles. The Senate is currently considering a bill, already passed by the House, that would prevent states from mandating food warning labels that the federal government doesn't require.  In Cobb County, Ga., the school board voted to stick warning labels in biology books: "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered." Parents opposed to the stickers sued to remove them, and won. The school board appealed, and the case is still pending.  Meanwhile, a federal court judge recently dismissed a lawsuit by a vegetarian group demanding that milk sold in the District of Columbia carry a label warning that it might harm the lactose-intolerant.  This warning label thing has gone too far, says Robert B. Dorigo Jones. "I've got a fishing lure with three big hooks and a warning label that says, 'Harmful if swallowed,' " he grumbles. 

Dorigo Jones is the author of the forthcoming book "Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever." The book's title derives from a warning label on a baby stroller.  It's just one of many warnings submitted to his annual Wacky Warning Label Contest. This year, first prize went to a heat gun that removes paint by blasting it with air heated to 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The warning label said: "Do not use the heat gun as a hair dryer."  Second prize went to the warning label on a kitchen knife: "Never try to catch a falling knife."  Third prize went to a cocktail napkin decorated with a map of the seacoast of Hilton Head, S.C., and a warning: "Caution: Not to be used for navigation."  Among the honorable mentions was the warning on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep rodents away from garden plants: "Not for human consumption."  "Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," says Jones, who is president of Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. "Because of the unpredictability of the legal system, companies feel that they have to warn against the obvious. And it has the opposite effect -- fewer people read these warning labels because they're getting longer and more absurd. "

"Warning labels can be traced back to biblical times," says Bruce Silverglade.  He cites the Book of Leviticus, Chapter 11, which identifies the meat of pigs, shellfish, camels and, alas, badgers as "unclean." He also cites Chapter 19, which states that eating meat left over for more than two days is "an abomination."  Silverglade is kidding, sort of. He's the legal director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a consumer group that loves warning labels. CSPI is currently lobbying for a label on soda to warn potential drinkers that guzzling it will make you fat and rot your teeth.  Aside from Leviticus, the history of warning labels is fairly short. In 1938 Congress passed a law mandating that food products carry a list of ingredients. In 1973 Congress voted to require labels on products containing "toxic substances." The law created three levels of warnings: "Caution" for stuff that's a little scary, "Warning" for stuff that's more scary, and "Danger!" for stuff that you definitely don't want to serve to guests at a formal dinner party.  Meanwhile, in 1966, the feds mandated that cigarette packs carry a warning from the surgeon general. And in 1989, alcoholic beverages got their own surgeon general's warning.  In 1985, in a series of congressional hearings that received more publicity than a Super Bowl, Tipper Gore, wife of then-Sen. Al Gore, testified in favor of a bill to put warning labels on pop music albums containing sexually explicit or violent lyrics. Before action could be taken, 22 record companies agreed to label the offending albums with stickers that say, "Parental Warning Explicit Content." Since then, innumerable hormone-addled teenagers have looked for the sticker when seeking music guaranteed to drive their parents batty.

Today, several federal agencies are in the warning label business: the Food and Drug Administration, the Consumer Product Safety Commission and, of course, the FBI, whose warnings against video piracy have appeared on rented movies since 1975. All of these agencies take their job very seriously.  "We held hearings and took testimony from experts," says Pamela Gilbert, who was the executive director of the CPSC in the 1990s. "We used the state of the art in the science of labeling."  Under her leadership, Gilbert says proudly, the commission mandated that bags of charcoal carry a label warning people not to burn the stuff indoors, which can kill you.  "A lot of people were bringing [charcoal grills] indoors to keep their families warm," Gilbert says. "Many of them were immigrants who didn't speak English, so we mandated a picture."  Now, the warning on bags of charcoal includes three pictures -- charcoal burning in a house, in a tent, in a trailer -- all of them surrounded by a circle with a line through it, the universal symbol for "Don't even think about doing this."  Those pictures deliver their message effectively but, Gilbert admits, they're not nearly as memorable as a warning symbol so old that nobody seems to know when or how it originated -- the skull and crossbones. 

"I have a 6-year-old kid, and he knows that a skull-and-crossbones means poison," Gilbert says. "It's a fairly effective warning. Nobody would drink something with a skull-and-crossbones on it." She pauses, then says, "Unless they wanted to kill themselves."  Indeed, at least one lonely, despondent fellow did use the skull & crossbones symbol to identify a substance that would help him kill himself. That fellow was Billy Joel, back in the early '70s, before Joel became a rock star. He was depressed because his girlfriend had dumped him and his band had broken up. He decided to end it all.  "I looked into the closet and there was chlorine bleach, with that skull-and-crossbones warning," Joel told Blender magazine a few years ago. "And there was some furniture polish, with a smaller skull-and-crossbones. So it really came down to a matter of flavor."  Joel opted for the furniture polish. But it failed to kill the future author of "Only the Good Die Young." It did, however, cause a very unpleasant bout of flatulence, a malady the warning label had failed to mention. Maybe Joel should have sued.

We are living in the Golden Age of the Warning Label.  It began in 1992, when Stella Liebeck, then 81, bought a cup of coffee at a McDonald's drive-thru window in Albuquerque. As she wedged the cup between her legs and removed its cap, her grandson drove off. The coffee spilled, causing third-degree burns to her legs. She sued McDonald's, and a jury awarded her almost $3 million. (After appeals, the company settled with Liebeck for an undisclosed sum.)  That verdict, which got more publicity than the Super Bowl and Tipper Gore combined, persuaded McDonald's and other coffee vendors to put labels on coffee cups warning that hot coffee is hot.  After that, the floodgates burst. Terrified of lawsuits, American businessmen began plastering their products with labels that belabored the obvious. 

For example, the sage advice on a package of Dr. Scholl's socks: "Please be cautious as socks can be slippery when walking without shoes."  Or the car commercials on TV in which vehicles swoop through the air or suddenly brake inches from a pedestrian, as small print at the bottom of the screen says, "Do not attempt."  The baking dish that warned: "Ovenware will get hot when used in oven." The toilet brush that warned: "Do not use for personal hygiene."  But not all the new labels warned of dangers that were absurdly obvious. Some warned of dangers that were absurdly bizarre.  Listerine mouthwash, for a while, carried this warning: "Do not swallow. In case of accidental overdose, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control center immediately."  Crest toothpaste warned: "If more than used for brushing is accidentally swallowed, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away."  And jars of Metamucil bear this warning: "Taking this product without adequate fluid may cause it to swell and block your throat or esophagus and may cause choking."  (Have you ever attended the funeral of somebody who OD'd on Listerine or choked on Metamucil? Me, neither. Obviously, these warnings are working.)

American magazines have swelled with prescription drug ads that include FDA-mandated warnings about possible side effects. These ads are delightfully two-faced. On the front, in big bold letters, are lyrical paeans to the drug's miraculous healing powers. On the back, in type the size of nits, are endless lists of "adverse events," the industry's euphemism for side effects.  Some of these side effects are obvious: Lunesta, a sleeping pill, can cause "drowsiness."  Some are ironic: Advair, an asthma medicine, can cause "severe asthma episodes."  Some are scary: Celebrex, an arthritis medicine, can cause heart attacks, strokes, kidney failure and asthma attacks, among other maladies.  Some are just plain weird: Toprol-XL, a hypertension medicine, can cause "mental confusion" and "depression progressing to catatonia." Lunesta can cause "strange behavior" and "unusual and/or disturbing thoughts." And Caduet, a drug for high blood pressure, can inspire "abnormal dreams."

Inevitably, the plague of warnings led to a plethora of parodies. Slurpee cups at 7-Eleven were stamped "Warning: Brain freeze may occur." Adventures Unlimited, a catalogue of books on Atlantis, UFOs and conspiracy theories, comes with this label: "Warning! The contents of the Adventures Unlimited catalog can be hazardous to your belief system." An ad for an album by the band Future Pigeon says, "Warning: Contains high amounts of corrosive dub music. Capable of crippling speaker bins, sound systems and brain matter."  Intellectuals got into the act, too. The Journal of Irreproducible Results, a humor magazine for scientists, published a series of warning labels inspired by the laws of physics:  "Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity," and "Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically-Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Miles per Hour."  Go ahead, laugh. Maybe it will make you feel better. But the grim truth is this: The human body is a frail vessel, and the world is full of stuff that can cut, bruise, break, smash, crash, shatter, batter, mangle, maim, mutilate, poison, sicken and kill it. Sooner or later, one of them will get you.  Consider yourself warned.

 

Questionable But Amusing Advice

What The Location Of Your Mess Says About You (And How To Fix It)

(By ShelterPop Staff, AOL website, Aug 15th 2011)

 We've learned what a mess says about you, but have you considered the impact of where that mess is located? Author and environmental psychologist Sally Augustin, PhD, sheds some light on this surprising revelation. (And yes, we've learned lots from this!)

Mess location: The entryway

Chances are you are: Extroverted

"A mess in an entryway that contains personalizing items [think knick-knacks, photos, art, etc.] communicates a need to clearly and immediately establish information about themselves to their visitor," Augustin says. "People with this sort of mess are also apt to be extroverted and interested in establishing a bond with visitors. Personalizing items also establish territory."

What to do about it: Extroversion isn't a bad trait! But have you been welcoming so many people in your home that you don't have time to tend to your own needs? Then it's time to put "you" on your calendar. Make it a habit to clear up clothes, jackets, and other "drop off" items that you leave by the door when you get home and for when you are leaving. As much as you enjoy welcoming guests into your own home, your entryway should be equally welcoming upon visitor arrivals.

Mess location: The living room

Chances are you are: Tense

"Cluttered spaces...generate tension for humans because our eyes continually review our environment. With lots of stuff around, that process becomes more arduous. In addition, since our possessions are extensions of us, lack of care for them could also indicate, potentially, a lack of self respect-but it may also indicate a toddler is present, money is in short supply, or other similar things."

What to do about it: Since the living room area tends to be the cluster zone for your family, it's all a matter of finding space to hide the clutter. Utilize decorative storage bins and storage ottomans. Seeing a messy area will induce more stress and tension, so take that extra minute to keep things in allotted places. Then, recover from the visual tension by closing your eyes and listening to music.

Mess location: The dining room

Chances are you are: Avoidant/Shy

"A mess can indicate that the space-owner wants to avoid this area, which they might want to do for a number of reasons-from negative experiences in dining rooms at an earlier time in their life (like getting grilled at the table when young about their day in school), to a more current issue, such as being on a perennial diet."

What to do about it: It's time to bring in the storage benches...and work on reconnecting with friends. It doesn't have to be formal entertaining-a simple cup of coffee will do. Remember, avoiding the mess won't help your mind relax and overcoming shyness means sitting well in your own skin, so making sure that the dining table surface is cleared off and that non-dining related items--such as papers, magazines, mail, and the random pile of jackets--are not taking up space in the dining room will also help make tackling the mess, and life, easier.

Mess location: The kitchen

Chances are you are: Adventurous

"Messes in this space that are due to things like unusual items...think rarely-used spices...or a cookbook for varying cuisines indicates openness to new experiences."

What to do about it: Capitalizing on your interest in all things new and exciting is as simple as making sure spices and cookbooks are easily accessible. For the latter, use a step-style spice rack, which ensures that everything you need is in sight and in reach. And why not bring in a small bookshelf to store your culinary guides?

Mess location: The bedroom...or bathroom

Chances are you are: Feeling insecure

"Bedrooms and bathrooms are the inner sanctums of our lives, the spaces where, to the extent they are private, we are most free to express who we really are. Therefore, messes composed of personalizing items here indicate a need by the people who control the space to remind themselves of who they are as a person."

What to do about it: It's hard to feel secure when the last place you see before going to sleep (and the first thing you see in the morning) is a mess of magazines, books and clothes. Conversely, if grooming products and extra bathroom supplies are stumbling blocks in the morning, you won't leave the house feeling ready to tackle the world. For the bedroom, make use of under-bed storage with sliding storage containers or boxes. Limit books or magazines to one per person, then relocate the rest to a bookshelf in another area in your home. Or better yet, donate them. For the bathroom, throw out all the old cosmetics you never use and consider storing surplus supplies in a bathroom étagère that is sized to fit right where the toilet is.

http://www.shelterpop.com/2011/08/15/what-the-location-of-your-mess-says-about-you/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk3%7C87577

What Your Handwriting Says About You

(By N. Bhatta, AOL.com, Sep 14th 2009)

Of course, what you write is more important than how you write it, but arguably one's handwriting can be considered a window into the soul –or at least one's job satisfaction. Handwriting is an everyday skill that we use to convey thoughts and ideas, and studies show that there could be more to your scribbling than meets the eye. Whether you are handing in a report with notes in the margin or leaving a simple note for your colleague, your handwriting may contain important clues about your state of mind and your personality. Use these tips to analyze how your pen strokes might be declaring your persona to the people around you. Who knows? You might find your John Hancock telling you that you need to make a few changes to your modus operandi!

Handwriting Style: Small Script.

What it may say about you: If your writing is on the small side, you might be coming across as introverted and socially reclusive. However, small scripters are also known to be very detail oriented and methodical. If this sounds like you, perhaps you should look into a position where research is an important aspect of the job, like newspaper journalism or pharmaceuticals. You just might find that you have a knack for digging through sources to find the right information and your little letters will help you to squeeze a lot of information into a small space.

Handwriting Style: Large Letters.

 

What it may say about you: People who write in huge script are often displaying their large personality and extremely social nature on paper. Do you often find yourself being the life of the party? When it comes to jobs where working in teams is important, like in public relations or the hospitality industry, this quality will often be appreciated by your peers. Just make sure you're not so focused on being the center of attention that you miss out on what your colleagues have to say. Loner jobs aren't ideal for you, and you're better off in a lively environment where there is a good amount of face to face interaction.

Handwriting Style: Downward-slanting letters.

 

What it may say about you: If your letters lean down, this may sometimes appear as though your words are connected to pessimism and an unpleasant disposition. Only you can know whether or not you're a grumpy employee, and even if you're in a troubled industry like real estate, if you notice that your "p"s and "q"s are looking a little droopy, you might want to observe your interactions with colleagues to see how your presence is being received.

Handwriting Style: Upward-slanting letters.

 

What it may say about you: Whatever you're writing, it makes others feel like things are looking up! Everyone in an office appreciates the energy that an optimist brings to the workplace, and if your writing slants upwards there is a chance that you are among the most desirable of officemates. An upward slanted style can also be indicative of honesty and a strong will to succeed, and those qualities will serve you well in any field of activity, but especially in the field of training and at not for profit organizations.

Handwriting Style: Dark, bold strokes.

 

What it may say about you: Those who use a heavy hand and a good amount of pressure when writing are often thought to be people who are not afraid of commitment. Being able to take on commitment and owning the space (and the pages!) around you is certainly a positive attribute, especially in a field like consulting or banking. However, if your handwriting shows excessive pressure, then it might be a sign of aggression and a quick temper. In addition, you could be causing unnecessary physical stress to your hand and wrist.

Handwriting Style: Faint, light strokes.

 

What it may say about you: Most of the time, writing without too much pressure on the page displays an easy going nature and a level of sensitivity towards others a great trait in multifaceted industries like travel. But write too lightly and you run the risk of showing no confidence or liveliness at all, and nobody wants to hire an employee who doesn't have at least a little pep in their step and ownership of their words!

Handwriting Style: Squished words and cramped sentences.

 

What it may say about you: The way your words bunch together can often be a direct translation to how you create your personal relationships. If you write with little or no space between words, you may be a person who likes little or no space when it comes to people. The positive aspect of this could be that you are a social person who enjoys the company of others, which works wonders in an educational career or in recreation. However, leaving too little space between you and your colleagues might lead some to think of you as intrusive, so be sure to find a balance.

Handwriting Style: Words and sentences that are extremely spaced out.

 

What is may say about you: If you prefer to be alone or feel the need to have your own space at all times, look to see if your written words and letters reflect this by being far away from one another. Everyone needs space from time to time, but make sure that you are not sending yourself and your message to outer space while everyone else is trying to get work done as a close-knit team. Being a top level employee means having to work in groups on occasion, even if your career is an isolated one like those in computer software and hardware, so if you have tendencies towards creating distance, then you might need to make an extra effort to reach out to your colleagues.

A Guy’s Guide To Haberdashery

(By Curmudgeon, posted on Washington Post.com’s AchenBlog, July 15, 2011)

The other day it occurred to me there needs to be a set of formal rules and regulations for guys to follow when shopping for clothes. (Such a guide might be helpful to women, too, so they know what’s going through a guy’s brain, whichever organ may be processing his particular thought patterns at that moment.)  John Molloy’s old classic Dress for Success had a lot to recommend it, but John left a few things out.   Herewith, then, an updated and more inclusive Guy’s Guide to Clothes Shopping:

1) Shop in stores that have masculine, guy-sounding names, such as Sears, Brooks Brothers, Eddie Bauer, Larry’s Haberdashery, the Big-and-Tall Shop, the Short-and-Squat Spot (where I do most of my shopping), and places like that. Be wary of places with names such as “Banana Republic” and “Britches” unless you are a confirmed metrosexual, and any other place with a cutsey pun in the name (“Shirts Happen,” “Ascots for Glasshats,” etc.).  Unless you have two first names like Joe Bob, Billy Tom, Bobby Joe, Jimmy Jack, Joe Don, Don Joe, etc., NEVER shop in any store that has “-Mart” as part of its name.

Stores with names containing things like “Ralph,” “Tommy,” “Giorgio,” are trickier. Some are okay in a pinch, some are not (“Yves” is a no-no, as are any other French names). First, have lots of money. Second, if any of the clothes shown in the window are pastels or have shades with names like “periwinkle,” “fuscia,” “taupe,” etc., stay away. If the window mannequins show male models with long scarves draped around their necks, run like a bandit. 

2) Colors. For some men, colors can be tricky and a source of fashion error, but there is no reason for this to be so difficult. Consult any color wheel and make note of the primary and secondary colors. If the color doesn’t fall on this color wheel, or can’t be found in a box of no more than 16 Milton Bradley crayons, forget it; it is a high-risk color, and probably requires that the item be “matched” (technical jargon phrase “color-coordinated”) with some other item. This is nothing but a source of vexation, and so best avoided.  There is a rumor to the effect that some colors on the color wheel are said to “clash” with the colors directly opposite them on the wheel. I don’t know what this means; you can safely ignore such a silly theory. There is nothing wrong with orange socks and a purple shirt, so far as I’m aware. 

White, black, tan and brown aren’t on the wheel, but are also okay colors. Camouflage is not a color.  Black dress shirts are fine if you are Italian, a member of the Russian Mob, or going to a reunion of your old World War II S.S. battalion. Black dress shirts are always worn with a necktie of a solid color, which can include black and also black. (However, blood-red neckties can be useful for hiding stains, if you know what I mean.)

3) If you live west of the San Andreas Fault or south of the Miami Causeway, it is okay to wear an Armani suit over a T-shirt and/or to roll up the sleeves of said Armani suit. If you live anywhere else, it is not even permissible to own an Armani suit, much less roll the sleeves up. (Actually, it IS permissible to own an Armani suit; however, anyone who would do so isn’t likely to be reading this kit anyhow, so the point is moot.)

 4) Belts: Belts come in a wide variety of colors and materials: brown, black, and leather. Anything else is a fashion faux pas.  (Can somebody explain to me why the championship belt awarded to the winner of the World Wrestling Federation looks like something Liberace designed for Elton John? I could never quite figure that one out. But I digress.)

5) Suspenders: Mork from Ork and topless dancers at the Choo-Choo Lounge can wear them; you can’t. (Major exception: weddings.) Deal with it.

6) Bow ties: See No. 5, above.

7) Shoes: Shoes (ordinary everyday shoes, anyway) come in a wide variety of colors and materials: brown, black, and leather. They come in two styles: with laces, and without. Anything else is a fashion faux pas. Running shoes (formerly known as “sneakers”) come in a wide variety of colors and materials: white, with white laces. They used to come in two colors, black (high-tops) and white (high-tops and low-tops), but not any more. Now they come in a zillion patterns and styles, and some even light up when you bounce on them. If you pay more than $30 for a pair at any place except Pick-and-Pay, you are an idiot.

If your running shoes have little pinky slots for each toe, why then you are just adorable. Only you can decide exactly how adorable you wish to be. Personally, I am already way too adorable for my own good, and don’t need individual pinky sneakers to enhance my natural adorabullishness. Your mileage may vary (though I doubt it).  If you live west of the Mississippi and east of the San Andreas Fault only then can you wear cowboy boots, unless you are younger than eight years old or you are a topless dancer at the Choo-Choo Lounge.

 8) Socks: Socks come in a wide variety of colors: black, and also white. Black socks go with shoes. White socks go with sneakers.  Anything else is a fashion faux pas. See, wasn’t that easy?  If you live within 20 miles of a major body of water (i.e., has salt in it or is freshwater but has the word “Great” as part of its category) you may wear boat shows WITHOUT socks. In fact, if you wear boat shoes at any time, you may dispense with socks at any time, even in the dead of winter in ice-bound Point Barrow.  (If you are in the boating industry, then you already know there is one, and only one, acceptable uniform: Topsiders; no socks; chinos; white, short-sleeve, button-down Oxford shirt, blue hopsack blazer, optional “rep” tie. When I was a yacht broker and sold the Mayflower to the Pilgrims I was wearing Topsiders, no socks, chinos, a blue blazer, and a powdered wig.)

9) T-Shirts: T-shirts come in two kinds: white, and any possible flaming combination of psychedelic colors as long as it features the name and logo of a major rock band’s tour. (The older the tour, the better, as long as you don’t go further back than Rosemary Clooney.  A more recent, contemporaneous tour is acceptable, but Justin Bieber is off limits.)  Hope this helps some of you guys who are a bit sartorially challenged.

8 Ways To Stop An Alien Invasion (In The Movies)

(By Todd Gilchrist, AOL/MovieFone site, Nov 1st 2010)

In the new film 'Skyline,' a mysterious alien race descends upon various cities across the globe and draws humans towards their spacecrafts, presumably for nefarious purposes. But while many of these people, perhaps curious about the secrets of extraterrestrial life that lurk inside, venture eagerly towards the ships' welcoming blue glow, our mothers taught us to be suspicious of vehicles, passersby and especially otherworldly creatures that we don't know.

As such, we felt it only appropriate to assemble a list of ways to stop an alien invasion. Unfortunately, having never encountered an alien in real life, we weren't really sure where to start; with all of these batteries, loaves of bread and bottles of potable water taking up space in our living room, our house seems like more of a makeshift ark than a refuge from tentacled creatures hell-bent on conducting anal probes.

And so it seemed appropriate to go straight to the best source of information available (outside of Wikipedia, of course): Hollywood movies. As it is well-known that Hollywood movie-makers always strive for factual accuracy in all of their efforts, as long as you, the reader, adhere to our list of alien thwarters, you can rest easy knowing that you'll always have the upper hand when and if they choose to come a-probin'.

1. Fire -- 'Aliens' (1986)

Perhaps this is the most obvious of our proposed defenses, but there's no doubt that if you are attacked by a black, phallic-looking monster with two mouths and acid for blood, fire will be the best way to discourage said monster from trying to turn your head into a jack-o-lantern.

2. Water -- 'Signs' (2002), 'Alien Nation' (1988)

Since two thirds of Earth is covered with the chemical combination of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen, it stands to reason that our planet might not be the best destination for aliens to choose for their flagship invasion. But it turns out that if you're not already located near a large body of water, it's probably a good idea to fill up all of your glassware with the stuff should an extraterrestrial stage a home invasion in addition to its planetary one. (It also helps if a member of your family is a disgraced baseball slugger looking for some kind of redemption.)

3. Refrigeration -- 'The Blob' (1958)

If fire and water don't get the job done and your attacker continues its sluglike advances, hole up in a nearby walk-in freezer. Other applications of cold to alien body parts can be administered via fire extinguishers, which will render a creature immobile just long enough for you to bring in a helicopter and drop off its frozen carcass in the middle of the Arctic Circle.

4. A Cold -- 'War of the Worlds' (1953)

In another somewhat stunning lack of foresight, it turns out that quite a few alien attackers are susceptible to many of the earthbound viruses carried in human germs, most notably in the form of the common cold. This of course means that the best place to put an alien is probably in an elementary school or a day care center. But if your little ones aren't ready to fend off a flailing space monster, just make sure that the one knocking down your door is at some point within sneezing distance.

5. Slim Whitman -- 'Mars Attacks' (1996)

Tim Burton's affection for kitschy music typically makes for some memorable scenes, especially when Tom Jones is involved. But the director was really on to something when he uncovered the secret truth that Slim Whitman's yodeling records are recorded on the same frequency that makes alien heads explode. The added benefit of this defense is that while keeping aliens at bay, you get to enjoy some really, really impressive yodeling – which is kind of like a victory in itself.

6. A Macintosh computer -- 'Independence Day' (1996)

As unlikely as it seems, it turns out that Steve Jobs was able to make Apple software a standard operating system for all extraterrestrial vehicles, which means that if you have a MacBook or other type of Apple computer, you should be able to upload a computer virus that will stop virtually any spacecraft, even if it's the mothership of an entire alien race. Of course, unless you for some reason understandably keep computer viruses on hand for just such an occasion, you'll need to be proficient in computer programming -- but if you're a fledgling hacker, please at least spare the rest of humanity the Nigerian email offer you'll be sending them. (We learned our lesson last time, and don't need the temptation again.)

7. A Small Nuclear Explosion -- 'Predator' (1987)

We realize that not everyone is going to have the resources on hand to use this particular method of defense (our local Home Depot has nuclear reactors on back order), but if you can blow the hell out of an alien with an explosive device, it's probably the best way to be absolutely sure that they won't be getting up for a second attack any time soon, if ever. And if you can blow them up with their own explosives, that's an even better victory, since you'll not only have successfully defended yourself and your family, but you'll be able to use one of our favorite phrases: "[the creature] was hoisted by its own petard."

8. Poor Box-Office Showing -- 'Battlefield Earth' (2000)

If all else fails, take a lesson from the rest of humanity and don't spend your money on crap. No offense intended to Scientologists, but Roger Christian's adaptation of L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction novel is seriously one of the worst movies about aliens ever made, and if any lesson can be taken from its awfulness, it's that the best thing to do when you see something that seems truly horrendous is to ignore it, and certainly don't support it with your heard-earned computer hacking money. If you've got to give your attention and income to something on this list, at least make it Slim Whitman, because even if you're not a fan of his quite wonderful yodeling, it's still less painful than watching John Travolta as a Rastafarian extraterrestrial.

http://blog.moviefone.com/2010/11/01/alien-invasion-movies/