(By Richard Goodman, 03 September 2017)
When I go to my bank to cash a check, I give them the signed check and my ID yet they still want me to present a credit card, possibly as additional identification. Why? They have my ID- why isn't that good enough? What if I didn't have a credit card- would I not be able to cash a check anymore? The kicker is once my bank transaction is done, they say "Thank you for being a customer for 27 years." That doesn't get me any special consideration AND it makes me feel really old. Thanks for that. I blame all the criminals and idiots for adding extra layers of documentation and red tape to my life.
Another example- although I like that chips are being added to credit cards, the reason it is being done is because crooks made regular old magnetic strips too easy to steal. They are why I have to insert my chip card into a reader at a grocery store and wait for it to process and then get loudly beeped at when I don't remove my card the exact second the sale is done. I'm not really going off on a tangent because I'm angry about this, I'm just mildly annoyed and don't have anywhere to vent about this. With the fate of the world up for grabs every day, how do life's little inconveniences get soothed?
Stand-up comedians used to handle that for me, but now they all discuss either sex or politics. Which can often be funny but I want some catharsis about credit card angst, cell phone culture and Taylor Swift's new songs (Shame on you Kim Kardashian and Katy Perry- Look what you made her do!). You know, the little stuff. Where is comedian Mitch Hedberg when I need him to make me laugh about stupid stuff? I guess I'll have to get by with Whitney Cummings and Jim Gaffigan.
This is what goes through my head on a Sunday afternoon when I'm sitting around listening to new albums from KMFDM and Queens Of The Stone Age, eating cashews and Toll House cookie dough, making a list about the best heist and con movies of all time, looking over my Amazon wish list for other things to listen to, and deciding if I want to see a movie in the theater and if so, which one since there were no new "big" movies released this holiday weekend, for the first time in 25 years, or stay home and watch the U.S. Open (the tennis one). Such first world problems.
Now I have to decide if this is too stupid to post to Facebook and should go on my mostly-MIA-in-the-last-couple-years blog instead. And if I want pizza or salad for supper, although Ben & Jerry's "One Love" banana ice cream might be in contention too. And shrimp in some fashion. And ciabatta rolls with cheese. Is this cookie dough laced with something that's making me delirious?