Disney Theme Parks Timeline

Disney Parks Celebrates 50th Anniversary

(AAA company email)

 The Happiest Memories on Earth Timeline

 

1955 - 1965

·                     July 17, 1955 - Disneyland park welcomes its first Guests, including celebrities such as Ronald    Reagan and Art Linkletter. The park opens with five lands: Fantasyland, Tomorrowland, Frontierland, Adventureland and Main Street, U.S.A. Some of the attractions to debut this year include Jungle Cruise, Casey Jr. Circus Train and Dumbo the Flying Elephant.

·                     1959 - The park welcomes its 15-millionth Guest. Matterhorn Bobsleds opens on June 14 of this year, making it the first thrill attraction to be added to Disneyland.

·                     1962 - Guests enjoy the 10,000th performance of The Golden Horseshoe Revue.

·                     1963 - Enchanted Tiki Room opens.

·                     1965 - The park celebrates its 10th anniversary.

 

1966 - 1975

·                     December 15, 1966 - The world mourns the death of Walter Elias Disney.

·                     1967 - Pirates of the Caribbean and PeopleMover open.

·                     1969 - Guests in Tomorrowland watch the Apollo 11 moon landing.

·                     May 19, 1971 - Davy Crockett's Explorer Canoes opens in Frontierland.

·                     1972 - The seventh "land" - Bear Country - debuts to Disneyland Guests. This new land includes the popular Country Bear Jamboree.

·                     1975 - Disneyland park celebrates its 20th anniversary. The park's first visitors return for a 20th anniversary visit.

 

1976 - 1985

·                     April 3, 1976 - Disney's America on Parade pageant airs on television, celebrating the nation's bicentennial.

·                     1977 - Space Mountain "launches" in Tomorrowland.

·                     November 18, 1978 - Mickey Mouse celebrates his 50th birthday with a parade and a party at Disneyland park.

·                     1979 - The first baby is born inside Disneyland park.

·                     1980 - The park celebrates its 25th anniversary.

·                     1985 - The 250-millionth Guest is welcomed to Disneyland park.

 

1986 - 1995

·                     June 27, 1986 - Big Thunder Ranch opens and Guests flock to see its star, Mickey Moo- a cow with a natural Mickey Mouse-shaped mark on her back.

·                     January 9, 1987 - Star Tours, presented by Energizer transports Disneyland Guests to "a galaxy far, far away."

·                     1989 - Splash Mountain opens. With a 52-foot drop, this popular attraction is the longest flume chute in the world at opening.

·                     1990 - The Super Bowl XXIV champions, the San Francisco 49ers, appear in an "I'm going to Disneyland" television commercial.

·                     January 24, 1993 - Mickey's Toontown opens, creating the park's newest land and a permanent home for Mickey Mouse and his pals.

·                     March 3, 1995 - Indiana Jones™ Adventure opens to Guests.

 

1996 - 2005

·                     1996 - After thousands of performances since its debut in 1972, the Main Street Electrical Parade marks its farewell season. This nighttime Disneyland tradition had entertained approximately 75 million Guests over the years.

·                     February 8, 2001 - Disney's California Adventure™ park opens to Guests. The opening-day ceremonies are attended by celebrities who were at the opening of Disneyland park in 1955, including TV host Art Linkletter.

·                     2004 - The curtain rises on "Snow White - An Enchanting Musical."

·                     July 17, 2005 - Disneyland park celebrates its 50th anniversary! Thousands of Guests visit from near and far to experience this special day. Each Guest receives a birthday cupcake upon entry and has the opportunity to purchase commemorative merchandise, including "I Was There" pins and a limited-edition Disney Dollar by artist Charles Boyer. A special ceremony is held in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle, hosted by Michael Eisner, chief executive officer of The Walt Disney Company, and Bob Iger, president and CEO-elect of The Walt Disney Company.

Also on this day, Walt Disney's original dedication speech for Disneyland is played throughout the park - a fitting tribute to 50 years of magic and entertainment.

"To all who come to this happy place: welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past... and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams and the hard facts that have created America ... with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world."

-Walt Disney

July 17, 1955

 

 

 

Granny’s Condition & Eulogy

Date:  Tue, 5 Apr 2005
From:  Patricia Leggett
To:  George Goodman

Subject: Update on Mother.

Mother is going downhill more and more.  She is forgetting many of the basic learned activities such as walking and feeding herself.  She falls at least once a week because she tries to get up out of the wheel chair and since she both has forgotten the process and is also too weak to stand, she slides to the floor.  She leans to the right to get up and thus falls on her right side.  She has not broken any bones yet but her right arm and shoulder are sore all the time.  She eats very slowly, little bites and it is hard to watch her picking up her food awkwardly and again, awkwardly putting it in her mouth.  The good news is she is willing to stay at the table until she has eaten all she wants to.  The bad news is the food has gone downhill and most of it does not interest her.  We take food to her a good bit and try to keep her snacks stocked up with a variety.

Mother still recognizes Bill without any problem.  She also recognizes me but she has trouble remembering that Pat Leggett used to be Pat Goodman.  She keeps looking for me as a child, not as an adult.  She dwells much of the time in the past.  She asked me Sunday if I had seen Granny Wilson lately.  I said no and left it at that but I don't even remember Granny Wilson.  She gets distraught sometimes and we have put her on Ativan (Spelling??) to calm her down.  This is an occasional dosage, not an everyday thing.

Frankly, I think life in a nursing home for someone with Alzheimer’s is boring.  She cannot be trusted to go outside on her own, she does not like watching TV so she does not go to the TV room often.  The TV room does offer the ability to watch a variety of brightly colored birds in the aviary or sit with others.  She spends limited time there.  She has lost interest in playing bingo very often or joining the others in the sing-a-longs.  She does not read much any more.  She does love the stuffed animals we brought her and sleeps with them.  My sister-in-law, Sandy, has made her a pretty pillow for the bedroom and has also made a lightweight quilt.  She loves getting pretty things for her room.  I fixed up a picture bulletin board and she enjoys the pictures.  Several of the ladies she has bonded with have passed away.  She does not appear to be bonding with anyone else.  We took her outside when it was nice several weeks ago.  Someone was there visiting another lady and had two puppies.  She loved watching them play.

Keep her in your prayers.  To me, she is not really living and it breaks my heart.

 

Letitia Emma Jones-Goodman - This Is Your Life

(Granny’s eulogy written by Dad & edited by Richard)

Letitia was born in Ohio in 1915. She was the first born to Arthur E. Jones and Elenorah Wilson - Jones. Letitia also had a younger brother Daniel T Jones and a sister Dorothy Jones- Fitzsimmons.  Her father, Arthur, was a partner in a paint store, which later succumbed to the ravages of the Great Depression. As a result, the family was moved to the family farm on the outskirts of the greater Youngstown area. While there, Letitia attended a hairdresser school until she was forced to withdraw after suffering an illness, which took part of the vision from her right eye.  In 1936, Letitia met and later married George Eli Goodman, a farmer from nearby Green Township. Although she was not physically strong, Letitia pitched in to help grow and sell fruit and produce from the farm. During the depression everyone had to do whatever they could to help the family survive. 

The family grew larger when George E. and Letitia added George H to the family in 1937.  Patricia Anne followed in 1941.  During this same period, George and Letitia moved again, along with the elder Goodman’s, to a 52-acre fruit farm on Ellsworth Avenue at the Eastern outskirts of Salem Ohio. This was to be their home for the next several years.  During the war farmers were granted an exemption to the draft but were expected to grow as much food as possible to support the 13 million men and women in the armed services so Letitia supervised the vegetable garden and the canning while George E maintained the fruit farm in addition to other rented orchards.

Letitia became actively involved in the Salem Assembly of God church. She was a teacher for the children in Sunday Bible School and she also participated in many revival meetings. Her commitment was recognized by the church when she was granted the title of Exhorter. This title was recognition of the mid point between a layperson and one who is ordained. She maintained her interest in and allegiance to the Assembly of God the rest of her life.  When the war ended in 1945 her brother Daniel returned safely from the European theater of war and her sister Dorothy’s husband Cecil was discharged from the Navy. Due to the post war job boom, hired help for the farm was unaffordable so the children had to fill the gap as best they could. George H. drove the tractor while George E. sprayed the apples, peaches and other fruit. In addition there were plenty other farm chores to take care of, such as hoeing weeds. Patricia helped her mother and father at whatever chores she was strong enough to handle.

In 1946, the turbulence in her life continued when her mother-in-law died in April and her father-in-law died in November. Her husband was the only child and inherited the farm during a time of declining values.  In 1947 her father and mother sold their farm and moved to De-Soto City Florida, settling on the shores of Red Beach Lake. Her father tried his hand at growing Lychee fruit and also subdivided several acres into building lots. This helped stretch the Social Security check.  By 1950 the Goodman family farm had been sold and the family moved again, this time to Georgetown Road on the western edge of Salem. At the new home, George E. supported the family by buying fruit from the growers and selling it to retail customers.  The cold Ohio winters caused Letitia and her husband to start thinking of joining the Jones’ family in Florida. In 1952 the family spent several winter months living with her parents in Florida. George and Pat rode the school bus to Sebring, as De-Soto City was too small to have a school system. George E. supported the family working as a grounds keeper for Kenilworth Lodge. The Florida climate agreed with the family but the question of earning a living was troublesome. When they returned to Ohio, they decided to explore other Florida locations that could suit their needs.

In 1954 the family sold their house and moved to Winter Haven. Her husband purchased a fruit stand to support the family. He later sold that and tried his hand at running a Greyhound bus terminal and Western Union franchise in Auburndale.  1960 was another turbulent year for Letitia.  George graduated from Florida Southern College and entered the Army as a Second Lieutenant.  At the same time Pat was marrying Glenn, Letitia and her husband parted ways. Letitia supported herself working as a clerk in a jewelry store before securing a job as a bank teller. This career choice was to her liking and she remained in banking until she retired in 1977.  Letitia had always expressed a desire to travel. In 1972, when offered the opportunity to visit her son, daughter-in law and grandchildren in Germany she jumped at the chance. She visited Germany, Austria, France and Luxembourg before returning home. We didn’t know it, but she was just getting started. She later was invited to teach Bible School in Scotland and spent the summer with a Scottish family while she taught Bible studies to the children. Her travels also included a two-week trip to the Holy Land with her church.

These are some of my remembrances of my mother and her life.  I invite you to share any thoughts and experiences of your own or to reflect privately on your memories of Letitia.

  

Richard’s Comments for The Funeral Eulogy:

When I heard the sad news about my grandmother, I found comfort by thinking about the times we had shared over the years.  As a child, our family would visit her in Florida and I looked forward to those visits.  It meant fresh-picked oranges from the orange tree in her backyard and maybe a trip to Disney World.  She liked to play with me and my sister, sometimes pretending to be a monster chasing after us.  She would pop out her dentures and enjoy watching us scream, almost as much as we enjoyed screaming and playing with Granny.  She tried her hand at crafts projects also and we were the recipients of some of those efforts.  I still have the floor rug that she latchhooked for me- a rug with a German shepherd dog on it, the same type as my dog Perky. 

A couple years ago, she was visiting us in Virginia for the last time and after waking up from a nap, she wrapped me up in a big hug and asked if she could pray over me.  She said a long prayer and held me tight the whole time, finally releasing me when we got called for dinner.  Then just this week, when hearing the news about Granny from my dad, I found out something else that the two of us had in common.  It turns out we both love frosting, so much so that we would eat it right out of the container, not even needing a cake to put it on.  That’s an experience I’ll never get to share with her now.

In the end though, whenever I think of Granny, one memory always comes to mind.  When I was a young boy, she came to visit us in Fort Lee, Virginia and the two of us spent an afternoon at a nearby creek picking out large stones.  She wanted to take them back to Florida so she could line her walkway with them.  Since that day, whenever I saw her again she would mention that afternoon.  I think we both appreciated the memory of a day when the only thing that mattered was a grandmother and grandson finding the perfect stones so that something in the world could be made more beautiful.  That is how I’ll always remember her- among her family, looking forward to a more beautiful world. 

 

Courtney Love's 9:30 Club Concert

Courtney Love Leads Hole Through Disastrous 9:30 Club Concert

(By David Malitz, Washington Post, June 28 2010, Photos by Kyle Gustafson)

We saw Hole at 9:30 club on Sunday. And we somehow lived through it.  Imagine a Hole concert that doubles as a complete Courtney Love meltdown. Not too hard to do. Now imagine it being 10 times more disastrous than that -- we're talking one incomplete song after another, offensive and rambling stage banter, exhibitionism, a mass exodus of paying customers. Now imagine it being nearly three hours long. You can start to get a picture of the epic train wreck that was Hole's Sunday night show at the 9:30 Club.

Maybe you watched her recent episode of VH1's "Behind the Music" and thought, "Hey, Courtney's finally getting her act together!" If you were at Sunday's show, you would have thought, "Hey, Courtney is somehow more messed up than ever!" It was an astonishingly and agonizingly awful performance that had a few fleeting moments of redeeming musical value. Song titles, lyrics, guitar chords -- Love remembered only some of them, and infrequently.  "You get the Bruce Springsteen set, sorry."  Courtney Love muttered those words at some point during Hole's show Sunday night at the 9:30 club. It's hard to remember exactly when. Time seemed to stand still for so much of the evening. If she meant that we were in for a nearly three-hour concert, then yes, her statement was true. If she meant that we would experience a well-oiled rock-and-roll machine and everybody would leave feeling satisfied they got their money's worth ... let's come back to that one.

It's safe to say the people yelling "Bull[expletive]! This is bull[expletive]!" didn't feel like their $45 was well spent. There were more than a handful of patrons shouting and cursing at the endlessly controversial, occasionally coherent 45-year-old rock trainwreck. Many more simply headed for the exits. Three-quarters-filled at the start, the club was no more than a quarter packed by the excruciating end. 

Make no mistake - this was an astonishingly awful performance that had few moments of redeeming musical value. Song titles, lyrics, guitar chords - Love remembered only some of them, and infrequently. Then again, what was really the best-case musical scenario? A competent recreation of songs more than a decade old, played by Love and her latest hired hands? Is that what people wanted to see - Courtney karaoke versions of '90s MTV buzz clips? Maybe. But probably not. Perhaps a bit more professionalism would have been nice but in 2010 you pay your $45 hoping for the Courtney Love Experience. And Sunday night was an experience like no other.

She took the stage nearly an hour past the advertised 9:30 start time, smoking a cigarette, rambling for a minute about how she was late because she had just been hanging out with a senator friend. (Leave your best guesses in the comments.) She also introduced an assistant, Lisa, who was on stage for the entire show filming Love on an iPhone. Not on the side of the stage. Not filming a few songs. The entire show, on stage, often directly in front of Love. Love, naturally, played to the camera more than her fans. She preened, she constantly sang in its direction, she looked like she was trying to seduce it. Love and Lisa huddled before, during and after songs, conferring about what angles to shoot, like they were Bogdanovich and Kovacs.  When one fan near the front complained that Lisa was being obstructive Love quickly snapped, "[Expletive] you, she's with me." She introduced "Someone Else's Bed" as a "deeply emotional song" and spent the first 30 seconds of it instructing Lisa where to situate herself to get the best angle of Love giving it her faux-heartfelt best. 

The between song chatter was more than just chatter. Ten minutes without playing a song? Sure, let's do that a few times. She talked about her courting style ("I never chase"), being anorexic and bulimic, quizzed fans on the meaning of her late husband Kurt Cobain's lyrics, twice mentioned how The Washington Post hated her new album "Nobody's Daughter," and name-dropped a "TMZ" episode's worth of celebrities, from Trent Reznor to Diablo Cody to George Clooney, even Douglas Fairbanks. She asked what the lamest Hole song was and cursed at people when they gave the wrong answer.

It's not as if disaster has been the norm on this tour. A Newark Star-Ledger review of Friday's show in Montclair, N.J., said: "Courtney Love didn't screw up any of her guitar parts. She didn't forget any of her choruses. She never lost her place in the set, or looked disoriented during a song. . . . Courtney Love exaggerates her filth." Her New York shows were succinct, hour-long affairs.

When Love got around to singing, her voice sounded as if something died in her throat earlier in the day. Love has a blood-curdling howl, by far her most effective asset as a performer. She just should have used it more on Sunday. During the choruses of "Miss World" and "Violet" - two of her best and most popular songs - she turned the microphone to the crowd and didn't even bother singing. Other times she skipped lines in order to cough, or take a sip of water or just ... not sing. Of the nearly 30 songs (or song fragments), not even a handful were completed without some minor disaster.

Love took a request for "Rock Star" despite admitting she didn't remember how to play it. She stumbled through half the song without strumming anything resembling one correct chord. (Why didn't she just Google the tablature on the iPhone?) She played a new song, "Pretty Your Whole Life." It was bad. Half an hour later she played it again. It was worse. 

Love eventually decided to have some of her fans join her on stage. She started plucking some from the crowd and they simply sat off to the side. "Do you really like rock music?" she asked one female. "Because you're African-American. That would be like me being into Lil Wayne." She wasn't joking. One fan came on stage with a poster and asked Love to sign it. "No socializing interaction! Go sit over there."  Before the encore another one of Love's handlers told the remaining faithful that they would have to be loud because there was someone who was waiting to have sex with Love and it would take lots of applause to get her to delay that appointment. Sure enough Love did re-emerge, this time wearing a skin-colored see-through top, sans bra. It would have been blurred out on TV, even on E!

She quickly became self-conscious and asked the audience for a bra, promising unlimited merchandise to whoever gave her one. One came flying onto the stage and Love removed her top to put it on. She did this at the back corner of the stage, so we could only see her bare back. She then repeatedly talked about how the bra was too big for her.

The encore contained a Rolling Stones cover (the second of the night), a Leonard Cohen cover ("Take This Longing") and the back-to-back of originals "Car Crash" and "Awful." Was this irony or were we well past that? Most of her backing band had retired for the night by this point leaving Love and guitarist Micko Larkin alone on stage. Then came a cover of Big Star's "Thirteen" that likely had Alex Chilton doing 360s in his grave. Before closer "Northern Lights" she ripped off the bra. Obviously. It's actually somewhat surprising she didn't play Nirvana's "Pennyroyal Tea" while completely topless.  "This is a really weird show," Love said in perhaps the understatement of the night a bit earlier. "I can't tell if it's really terrible."

Courtney, let me tell you something. In just the past year and a half, I've been to about 400 shows. I've seen some really terrible ones. And this was really the most terrible. No question. But the vast majority of those 400 shows, I went there, I saw it, and almost immediately forgot I was there. I'll never forget this night with Courtney Love, no matter how much I may want to. And isn't that really what she's always wanted?

 

 

Reader Comments:

Senator = Roland Burris

Post-show sex partner = Roland Burris (and/or Lisa)
Posted by: BabyStew | June 28, 2010 10:45 AM | 

This review was fantastic. Thank you. I can't believe Kurt Cobain was with this chick...

Posted by: steampunk | June 28, 2010 11:02 AM | 

That's not an IPhone, it's a Flip.  Her 15 minutes were over 15 years ago.

Posted by: ana1ana2 | June 28, 2010 11:18 AM | 

Rumor has it she was with Robert Byrd last night

Posted by: meeper_99 | June 28, 2010 11:21 AM | 

wow, that sounds amazing. I wish i was there.

Posted by: MarilynManson | June 28, 2010 11:22 AM | 
 

It was an iPhone.

Posted by: leafblower | June 28, 2010 11:23 AM | 

I mean did people really think that they were going to get a good show with this waste of a human being? You would've been better off going to a Tupac and Biggie concert.

Posted by: PublicEnemy1 | June 28, 2010 11:26 AM | 

Meanwhile, over in Columbia MD the greatest live band in the history of music was making thousands of people feel alive and in love with music.

Posted by: drinaldi | June 28, 2010 11:29 AM | 

This was without a doubt the most fun concert I have been to. Was it the most technically good? Heck No, but this was Courtney Love. I don't need to see a performer flawlessly run through a set list with a few sentences in between, I can listen to the album at home. The crazy anecdotes between songs were long rambling, and very interesting for fans. Stories about Kurt, Linda Perry, George Clooney, Corgan, Reznor might have been name dropping, but they were fun stories giving some interesting insight into Love's life. Train wreck? Sure. Did I get my money's worth? More than enough. After the late start I was worried my wife would want to leave early (she's a hole fan, but has an early morning job). After the first 30 minutes I asked her how late she was willing to stay out, and she replied "If it keeps going like this, I'll stay out all night".  There were indeed people booing, but they were the same people yelling "Play freebird" between songs, so I wrote them off. How is that joke still funny? If you came to Hole expecting the height of professionalism, you were disappointed. I came expecting some great music, with some interesting spectacle in between, and I rewarded greatly. The best show of the year for me, and probably the decade.
Posted by: mikes8 | June 28, 2010 11:34 AM | 

Dang. I know you said Lisa was right up in there, but.... That last photo shows she's....well, right up in there.

Posted by: PlanetFlorida | June 28, 2010 11:35 AM | 

I agree that it was Robert Byrd. Upon meeting her, he must have felt such great sorrow for the world that he no longer had the strength to be a part of it and departed for the great coal mogul's country club in the sky.

Posted by: MyPostID27 | June 28, 2010 11:47 AM | 

best review EVER!

Posted by: aka583 | June 28, 2010 11:56 AM | 

This was the worst concert I have ever been too. I admit I left early in disgust, but if it was a continuation of the first 3/4 of the show, it was excruciatingly painful to watch. Is is so wrong to expect a little bit of professionalism and a bit of good music for your money even if it is Courtney Love? I really like the new album, so I was so naively looking forward to it along with the old material I love as well. The chick with the camera filming her was so annoying I wanted to throw something at her, but that would be mean and illegal of course. I'm surprised it didnt' happen. I felt like I was in a basement watching Courtney babble and practice. The Senator reason for her being so late; I almost puked on that one after eating the 9:30 club Macho Nachos because I was waiting so long.

Posted by: atietze | June 28, 2010 11:57 AM | 

How sad. The only time I ever saw her was in the movie where she played Larry Flynt's drug-addicted wife, and she was powerfully great. I guess it wasn't too big a stretch for her.  Thanks for an excellent review of a memorable exhibition.

Posted by: pundito | June 28, 2010 12:08 PM | 

All of a sudden Yoko doesn't seem so bad...

Posted by: HughJassPhD | June 28, 2010 12:13 PM | 

who goes to a HOLE show expecting anything other than a train wreck?? she gave the people/tabloids/critics... exactly what she is famous for... i loved it..

xoxo
Posted by: suicide_blond | June 28, 2010 12:16 PM | 

Your pain is our gain. Very amusing and candid review.

Posted by: mlc5556 | June 28, 2010 12:24 PM | 

Okay, sure I was a little frustrated by the wait too, but I agree with Mikes8 assessment. How can you be a true Hole fan or know anything about Courtney Love and expect anything different than what you got last night? She completely lived up to my expectations. I definitely got my money’s worth and believe it was a true one-of-a-kind show. I’m glad that I didn’t miss it. A little rough around the edges? Sure – but so what! At first I was a little disappointed by the lack of singing, but she got it together and provided some kick butt entertainment. She is who she is – bold, brash, impulsive, crude, and beautiful in her own way. I thought the concert was GREAT exactly because it was not so perfect.

Posted by: StephA1 | June 28, 2010 12:32 PM | 

I agree with the facts of the review, but not the expectations. I bought my ticket knowing this show could have been a train wreck. I was impressed Courtney Love's level of coherence (knowing it could have been close to zero). I thought it was a high energy and highly enjoyable show. I love that she brought fans on stage. The looks on their faces clearly showed they were having a fantastic time. David Malitz is correct that the show had its technical flaws, but I wasn't looking for a perfect performance, just an enjoyable one. I think Love gave it. I wouldn't attribute the disappearance of much of the crowd to the performance, but the hour. The show ended just after 1 a.m. That's pretty late for a lot of people who probably had to get to work early Monday morning.

Posted by: MathewF | June 28, 2010 12:43 PM | 

I had heard that Hole stunned the crowd by not sucking at SXSW, occasionally even rocking hard. Still, I expected very little - she would play some songs, a mix of old and new. Surely her voice wouldn't sound as good as it used to, or how it sounds after getting sweetened after multiple takes in the studio, but that's OK. I expected she would have a set list, or at least be able to quickly pick the next song to play. And that she would know most of the lyrics and chords to her own songs.

Expectations: not met. I finally left as she started introducing her last song. This review really captured the whole flavor of the evening: "trackwreck" ... Nicely done.  BTW, I believe her line was "no interaction" when a fan on-stage decided to ask for an autograph. I loved the jackasses on stage taking pictures and making crazy poses in the background of Love's personal video vamping, it would have been classless and inconsiderate if that hadn't been exactly the same way Courtney herself behaved all evening.

It was like, as she put it, "a practice session with a bunch of strangers in the room." Except it was supposed to be an actual, organized performance. The bull session she did instead was incredibly sloppy even we were, instead, just hanging with her while she noodled around.
Posted by: ddowhan | June 28, 2010 12:44 PM | 

And the white folks want to talk about and put their foot on Whitney Houston.  White America I hope your proud of your product of society. Drug out, looks like she carring multiple of diseases and best of all you were foolish enough to pay to see it.

Posted by: B4DarkDC | June 28, 2010 12:49 PM | 

You can find videos on the internet of people eating feces. They are not forced to do that. They like it. That's what they want. Going to a Love show is like eating feces for feces-eating people.

Posted by: garyr2 | June 28, 2010 12:50 PM | 

This article pretty much says it all. I left after Doll Parts, only because the rest of my party wanted to leave. I wish I had tomatoes with me. I also wish that someone from the crowd yelled something so offense that Courtney jumped in the crowd to beat them up. That would have made for a great show.

Posted by: Applesauce20011 | June 28, 2010 12:51 PM | 

>>BTW, I believe her line was "no interaction" when a fan on-stage decided to ask for an autograph.

Yes, that was it! Thank you, ddowhan. Couldn't read the chicken scratch on my notepad. One of many moments that cracked me up...

Posted by: DavidMalitz | June 28, 2010 12:57 PM | 

I couldn't have written the review any better myself. My feelings are mixed. The one thing that was missing from the review is how amazing their opener, Foxy Shazam, was. They put on a hell of a show! VERY fun and entertaining (eating lit cigarettes, jumping on keyboards and breaking one over the Freddie Mercury-esque singer's face all while belting out amazing vocals).  I will say that people who left before the second half of Hole's set missed out. She did seem to pull herself together the later the night went on and really screamed her guts out for us who sat through the slow motion train wreck performance.

Posted by: shawful | June 28, 2010 1:02 PM | 

She was more or less acting like a poor man's Kathy Griffith. She said that her "gays" are real and Kathy's are fake. Not to mention all the name dropping. And that awful cover of "Closer" by NIN.

Posted by: Applesauce20011 | June 28, 2010 1:10 PM | 

Courtney should have given it up after she ran out of songs Kurt Cobain wrote for Hole. Which was about 15 years ago. The Whitney comparisons are not apt, everyone knew Courtney was a drug addled piece of garbage from day 1, too bad KC was such a weak MF that he couldn't tell her to hit the highway. Only thing Courtney is good for is Foo Fighter hate-song fodder.

Posted by: dgb100 | June 28, 2010 1:27 PM | 

That's Kathy Griffin, not Griffith. My apologies to Ms. Griffin, who I wish would have performed last night rather than Ms. Love.

Posted by: Applesauce20011 | June 28, 2010 1:30 PM | 

That is so sad. Got to see her when she played in NYC. It was an amazing show...really pulled together. Glad I skipped the show last night.

Posted by: jayfred | June 28, 2010 1:32 PM | 

I held on until "Sunset Marquis" (and glad I did b/c if I'd stayed for her covering Big Star, I probably would have cried over her mangling of such a great band's work). But does anyone recall the song one or two before it? It was actually pretty and one of the few I recall her being able to complete start to finish.

Posted by: ericalbruce | June 28, 2010 1:35 PM | 

Sounds like people got what they paid for. If you like those kind of carrying on and self-obsessed antics which Love has always been about and think that that's rock and roll then you were probably satisfied. If you're silly enough to waste $45 thinking you were going to go to a well-played and professional show I guess you got what was coming to you. It ain't the Opera here.

Posted by: nvamikeyo | June 28, 2010 1:36 PM | 

Um, B4DarkDC?? I've re-posted your incoherent statement, spelled correctly. Geezus, don't rant about white people while making your own race look completely ILLITERATE!!

"And the white folks want to talk about and put their foot on Whitney Houston.  White America, I hope YOU'RE proud of your product of society. DRUGGED out, looks like she's carrying multiple diseases, and best of all, you were foolish enough to pay to see it."

Posted by: sigmagrrl | June 28, 2010 1:37 PM | 
 

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the rest of the band -- I kept looking at the drummer who seemed LIVID most of the time. He kept making these "eh, whatever" faces to the bass player before they both walked off.  I was pretty disappointed by the show. I had seen Hole back in 93 or 94 and it was one of the best shows ever. When she could rock she really brought the house down. Now she looks like a clown and acts like an aging star... I've lost interest!

Posted by: savorypork | June 28, 2010 1:43 PM |
 

 

Courtney Love Gives The Worst Concert Of Her Notorious Bad-Concert-Giving Career

(By Brian Moylan, Gawker.com website, June 2010)

Courtney Love has made a late career out of being an incoherent mess, but it sounds like she turned up the crazy to 11 at a concert she gave last night in Washington D.C. Damn, I wish I was there.  When I saw Courtney Love—now touring under the name Hole even though she's the only member of the band on stage during the shows—a couple of months ago in New York, she did a brisk 45 minute set that included two Rolling Stones covers, a handful of new songs, and all of her hits. She didn't sound especially great and she didn't even talk in between songs. Part of the reason you pay good money to see Courtney is to watch her slowly unravel in public, and we didn't get any of it.

According to the Washington Post's David Malitz, Love spent three hours yammering through a set list with her assistant Lisa filming the entire performance on an iPhone, oftentimes standing directly in front of the star. You really should read his dreadfully entertaining account of the dreadful show, but here is a good summary: 

“The between song chatter was more than just chatter. Ten minutes without playing a song? Sure, let's do that a few times. She talked about her courting style ("I never chase"), being anorexic and bulimic, quizzed fans on the meaning of her late husband Kurt Cobain's lyrics, twice mentioned how The Washington Post hated her new album "Nobody's Daughter," and name-dropped a "TMZ" episode's worth of celebrities, from Trent Reznor to Diablo Cody to George Clooney, even Douglas Fairbanks. She asked what the lamest Hole song was and cursed at people when they gave the wrong answer.”

Apparently most of the audience left the 9:30 Club, where the concert was held (and where I worked for many years) before the show ended, but for those who paid the money to watch one of Courtney Love's infamous rambles happen in real time, they stayed until the end. Here's what a friend of mine said about the show:

“She rambled on between songs, took requests, invited audience members up on stage, borrowed a bra, said she would give someone her $200 moist panties after the show, was confused by the set list and wouldn't answer the question about whether or not Clooney is gay. Pacific Coast Highway sounded good, but she butchered Malibu. It was awesome!”  Yes, it sounds like a slow form of torture, but I really wish I was there.

Warning Labels

Hey, Don't Say They Didn't Warn You . . .

(By Peter Carlson, Washington Post, Sept 2006)

WARNING: Do not read this newspaper while driving a motor vehicle, operating machinery or piloting an aircraft. Do not read newspaper over an open flame. Do not hold newspaper close to face while smoking a cigar the size of a billy club. Do not use newspaper as a flotation device. Newspaper may be harmful if taken internally. Reading newspaper articles may cause irritation, nausea, drowsiness, uncontrollable laughter, weeping, cynicism, confusion, depression or existential despair. Keep out of reach of children.

Okay, you've been warned. Now we can proceed to the article at hand, which is about warning labels.  They're everywhere. Warning labels appear on toothpaste tubes, music CDs, restaurant menus, dog leashes, rented movies, bottles of water, bottles of champagne, bottles of bubble bath and biology textbooks.  Warning labels inform Americans that cigarettes are unhealthy, that coffee is hot, that sleeping pills can cause drowsiness, that Tide laundry detergent is not a good food source, that baking dishes get hot in the oven, that bottles of seltzer "may spray or fizz while opening" and that it is not a good idea to eat the toner used in laser printers.  These days, new inventions beget new warning labels. Many cars feature a computer that displays a map showing how to get from where you are to where you're going. It includes this warning: "Watching this screen while vehicle is in motion can lead to a serious accident."  In the United States, some warning labels are mandated by federal or state law. Others are voluntarily affixed by businesses hoping to educate the public -- or avoid lawsuits.

Warning labels frequently incite legal and political battles. The Senate is currently considering a bill, already passed by the House, that would prevent states from mandating food warning labels that the federal government doesn't require.  In Cobb County, Ga., the school board voted to stick warning labels in biology books: "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered." Parents opposed to the stickers sued to remove them, and won. The school board appealed, and the case is still pending.  Meanwhile, a federal court judge recently dismissed a lawsuit by a vegetarian group demanding that milk sold in the District of Columbia carry a label warning that it might harm the lactose-intolerant.  This warning label thing has gone too far, says Robert B. Dorigo Jones. "I've got a fishing lure with three big hooks and a warning label that says, 'Harmful if swallowed,' " he grumbles. 

Dorigo Jones is the author of the forthcoming book "Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever." The book's title derives from a warning label on a baby stroller.  It's just one of many warnings submitted to his annual Wacky Warning Label Contest. This year, first prize went to a heat gun that removes paint by blasting it with air heated to 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The warning label said: "Do not use the heat gun as a hair dryer."  Second prize went to the warning label on a kitchen knife: "Never try to catch a falling knife."  Third prize went to a cocktail napkin decorated with a map of the seacoast of Hilton Head, S.C., and a warning: "Caution: Not to be used for navigation."  Among the honorable mentions was the warning on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep rodents away from garden plants: "Not for human consumption."  "Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," says Jones, who is president of Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. "Because of the unpredictability of the legal system, companies feel that they have to warn against the obvious. And it has the opposite effect -- fewer people read these warning labels because they're getting longer and more absurd. "

"Warning labels can be traced back to biblical times," says Bruce Silverglade.  He cites the Book of Leviticus, Chapter 11, which identifies the meat of pigs, shellfish, camels and, alas, badgers as "unclean." He also cites Chapter 19, which states that eating meat left over for more than two days is "an abomination."  Silverglade is kidding, sort of. He's the legal director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a consumer group that loves warning labels. CSPI is currently lobbying for a label on soda to warn potential drinkers that guzzling it will make you fat and rot your teeth.  Aside from Leviticus, the history of warning labels is fairly short. In 1938 Congress passed a law mandating that food products carry a list of ingredients. In 1973 Congress voted to require labels on products containing "toxic substances." The law created three levels of warnings: "Caution" for stuff that's a little scary, "Warning" for stuff that's more scary, and "Danger!" for stuff that you definitely don't want to serve to guests at a formal dinner party.  Meanwhile, in 1966, the feds mandated that cigarette packs carry a warning from the surgeon general. And in 1989, alcoholic beverages got their own surgeon general's warning.  In 1985, in a series of congressional hearings that received more publicity than a Super Bowl, Tipper Gore, wife of then-Sen. Al Gore, testified in favor of a bill to put warning labels on pop music albums containing sexually explicit or violent lyrics. Before action could be taken, 22 record companies agreed to label the offending albums with stickers that say, "Parental Warning Explicit Content." Since then, innumerable hormone-addled teenagers have looked for the sticker when seeking music guaranteed to drive their parents batty.

Today, several federal agencies are in the warning label business: the Food and Drug Administration, the Consumer Product Safety Commission and, of course, the FBI, whose warnings against video piracy have appeared on rented movies since 1975. All of these agencies take their job very seriously.  "We held hearings and took testimony from experts," says Pamela Gilbert, who was the executive director of the CPSC in the 1990s. "We used the state of the art in the science of labeling."  Under her leadership, Gilbert says proudly, the commission mandated that bags of charcoal carry a label warning people not to burn the stuff indoors, which can kill you.  "A lot of people were bringing [charcoal grills] indoors to keep their families warm," Gilbert says. "Many of them were immigrants who didn't speak English, so we mandated a picture."  Now, the warning on bags of charcoal includes three pictures -- charcoal burning in a house, in a tent, in a trailer -- all of them surrounded by a circle with a line through it, the universal symbol for "Don't even think about doing this."  Those pictures deliver their message effectively but, Gilbert admits, they're not nearly as memorable as a warning symbol so old that nobody seems to know when or how it originated -- the skull and crossbones. 

"I have a 6-year-old kid, and he knows that a skull-and-crossbones means poison," Gilbert says. "It's a fairly effective warning. Nobody would drink something with a skull-and-crossbones on it." She pauses, then says, "Unless they wanted to kill themselves."  Indeed, at least one lonely, despondent fellow did use the skull & crossbones symbol to identify a substance that would help him kill himself. That fellow was Billy Joel, back in the early '70s, before Joel became a rock star. He was depressed because his girlfriend had dumped him and his band had broken up. He decided to end it all.  "I looked into the closet and there was chlorine bleach, with that skull-and-crossbones warning," Joel told Blender magazine a few years ago. "And there was some furniture polish, with a smaller skull-and-crossbones. So it really came down to a matter of flavor."  Joel opted for the furniture polish. But it failed to kill the future author of "Only the Good Die Young." It did, however, cause a very unpleasant bout of flatulence, a malady the warning label had failed to mention. Maybe Joel should have sued.

We are living in the Golden Age of the Warning Label.  It began in 1992, when Stella Liebeck, then 81, bought a cup of coffee at a McDonald's drive-thru window in Albuquerque. As she wedged the cup between her legs and removed its cap, her grandson drove off. The coffee spilled, causing third-degree burns to her legs. She sued McDonald's, and a jury awarded her almost $3 million. (After appeals, the company settled with Liebeck for an undisclosed sum.)  That verdict, which got more publicity than the Super Bowl and Tipper Gore combined, persuaded McDonald's and other coffee vendors to put labels on coffee cups warning that hot coffee is hot.  After that, the floodgates burst. Terrified of lawsuits, American businessmen began plastering their products with labels that belabored the obvious. 

For example, the sage advice on a package of Dr. Scholl's socks: "Please be cautious as socks can be slippery when walking without shoes."  Or the car commercials on TV in which vehicles swoop through the air or suddenly brake inches from a pedestrian, as small print at the bottom of the screen says, "Do not attempt."  The baking dish that warned: "Ovenware will get hot when used in oven." The toilet brush that warned: "Do not use for personal hygiene."  But not all the new labels warned of dangers that were absurdly obvious. Some warned of dangers that were absurdly bizarre.  Listerine mouthwash, for a while, carried this warning: "Do not swallow. In case of accidental overdose, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control center immediately."  Crest toothpaste warned: "If more than used for brushing is accidentally swallowed, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away."  And jars of Metamucil bear this warning: "Taking this product without adequate fluid may cause it to swell and block your throat or esophagus and may cause choking."  (Have you ever attended the funeral of somebody who OD'd on Listerine or choked on Metamucil? Me, neither. Obviously, these warnings are working.)

American magazines have swelled with prescription drug ads that include FDA-mandated warnings about possible side effects. These ads are delightfully two-faced. On the front, in big bold letters, are lyrical paeans to the drug's miraculous healing powers. On the back, in type the size of nits, are endless lists of "adverse events," the industry's euphemism for side effects.  Some of these side effects are obvious: Lunesta, a sleeping pill, can cause "drowsiness."  Some are ironic: Advair, an asthma medicine, can cause "severe asthma episodes."  Some are scary: Celebrex, an arthritis medicine, can cause heart attacks, strokes, kidney failure and asthma attacks, among other maladies.  Some are just plain weird: Toprol-XL, a hypertension medicine, can cause "mental confusion" and "depression progressing to catatonia." Lunesta can cause "strange behavior" and "unusual and/or disturbing thoughts." And Caduet, a drug for high blood pressure, can inspire "abnormal dreams."

Inevitably, the plague of warnings led to a plethora of parodies. Slurpee cups at 7-Eleven were stamped "Warning: Brain freeze may occur." Adventures Unlimited, a catalogue of books on Atlantis, UFOs and conspiracy theories, comes with this label: "Warning! The contents of the Adventures Unlimited catalog can be hazardous to your belief system." An ad for an album by the band Future Pigeon says, "Warning: Contains high amounts of corrosive dub music. Capable of crippling speaker bins, sound systems and brain matter."  Intellectuals got into the act, too. The Journal of Irreproducible Results, a humor magazine for scientists, published a series of warning labels inspired by the laws of physics:  "Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity," and "Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically-Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Miles per Hour."  Go ahead, laugh. Maybe it will make you feel better. But the grim truth is this: The human body is a frail vessel, and the world is full of stuff that can cut, bruise, break, smash, crash, shatter, batter, mangle, maim, mutilate, poison, sicken and kill it. Sooner or later, one of them will get you.  Consider yourself warned.

 

Questionable But Amusing Advice

What The Location Of Your Mess Says About You (And How To Fix It)

(By ShelterPop Staff, AOL website, Aug 15th 2011)

 We've learned what a mess says about you, but have you considered the impact of where that mess is located? Author and environmental psychologist Sally Augustin, PhD, sheds some light on this surprising revelation. (And yes, we've learned lots from this!)

Mess location: The entryway

Chances are you are: Extroverted

"A mess in an entryway that contains personalizing items [think knick-knacks, photos, art, etc.] communicates a need to clearly and immediately establish information about themselves to their visitor," Augustin says. "People with this sort of mess are also apt to be extroverted and interested in establishing a bond with visitors. Personalizing items also establish territory."

What to do about it: Extroversion isn't a bad trait! But have you been welcoming so many people in your home that you don't have time to tend to your own needs? Then it's time to put "you" on your calendar. Make it a habit to clear up clothes, jackets, and other "drop off" items that you leave by the door when you get home and for when you are leaving. As much as you enjoy welcoming guests into your own home, your entryway should be equally welcoming upon visitor arrivals.

Mess location: The living room

Chances are you are: Tense

"Cluttered spaces...generate tension for humans because our eyes continually review our environment. With lots of stuff around, that process becomes more arduous. In addition, since our possessions are extensions of us, lack of care for them could also indicate, potentially, a lack of self respect-but it may also indicate a toddler is present, money is in short supply, or other similar things."

What to do about it: Since the living room area tends to be the cluster zone for your family, it's all a matter of finding space to hide the clutter. Utilize decorative storage bins and storage ottomans. Seeing a messy area will induce more stress and tension, so take that extra minute to keep things in allotted places. Then, recover from the visual tension by closing your eyes and listening to music.

Mess location: The dining room

Chances are you are: Avoidant/Shy

"A mess can indicate that the space-owner wants to avoid this area, which they might want to do for a number of reasons-from negative experiences in dining rooms at an earlier time in their life (like getting grilled at the table when young about their day in school), to a more current issue, such as being on a perennial diet."

What to do about it: It's time to bring in the storage benches...and work on reconnecting with friends. It doesn't have to be formal entertaining-a simple cup of coffee will do. Remember, avoiding the mess won't help your mind relax and overcoming shyness means sitting well in your own skin, so making sure that the dining table surface is cleared off and that non-dining related items--such as papers, magazines, mail, and the random pile of jackets--are not taking up space in the dining room will also help make tackling the mess, and life, easier.

Mess location: The kitchen

Chances are you are: Adventurous

"Messes in this space that are due to things like unusual items...think rarely-used spices...or a cookbook for varying cuisines indicates openness to new experiences."

What to do about it: Capitalizing on your interest in all things new and exciting is as simple as making sure spices and cookbooks are easily accessible. For the latter, use a step-style spice rack, which ensures that everything you need is in sight and in reach. And why not bring in a small bookshelf to store your culinary guides?

Mess location: The bedroom...or bathroom

Chances are you are: Feeling insecure

"Bedrooms and bathrooms are the inner sanctums of our lives, the spaces where, to the extent they are private, we are most free to express who we really are. Therefore, messes composed of personalizing items here indicate a need by the people who control the space to remind themselves of who they are as a person."

What to do about it: It's hard to feel secure when the last place you see before going to sleep (and the first thing you see in the morning) is a mess of magazines, books and clothes. Conversely, if grooming products and extra bathroom supplies are stumbling blocks in the morning, you won't leave the house feeling ready to tackle the world. For the bedroom, make use of under-bed storage with sliding storage containers or boxes. Limit books or magazines to one per person, then relocate the rest to a bookshelf in another area in your home. Or better yet, donate them. For the bathroom, throw out all the old cosmetics you never use and consider storing surplus supplies in a bathroom étagère that is sized to fit right where the toilet is.

http://www.shelterpop.com/2011/08/15/what-the-location-of-your-mess-says-about-you/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk3%7C87577

What Your Handwriting Says About You

(By N. Bhatta, AOL.com, Sep 14th 2009)

Of course, what you write is more important than how you write it, but arguably one's handwriting can be considered a window into the soul –or at least one's job satisfaction. Handwriting is an everyday skill that we use to convey thoughts and ideas, and studies show that there could be more to your scribbling than meets the eye. Whether you are handing in a report with notes in the margin or leaving a simple note for your colleague, your handwriting may contain important clues about your state of mind and your personality. Use these tips to analyze how your pen strokes might be declaring your persona to the people around you. Who knows? You might find your John Hancock telling you that you need to make a few changes to your modus operandi!

Handwriting Style: Small Script.

What it may say about you: If your writing is on the small side, you might be coming across as introverted and socially reclusive. However, small scripters are also known to be very detail oriented and methodical. If this sounds like you, perhaps you should look into a position where research is an important aspect of the job, like newspaper journalism or pharmaceuticals. You just might find that you have a knack for digging through sources to find the right information and your little letters will help you to squeeze a lot of information into a small space.

Handwriting Style: Large Letters.

 

What it may say about you: People who write in huge script are often displaying their large personality and extremely social nature on paper. Do you often find yourself being the life of the party? When it comes to jobs where working in teams is important, like in public relations or the hospitality industry, this quality will often be appreciated by your peers. Just make sure you're not so focused on being the center of attention that you miss out on what your colleagues have to say. Loner jobs aren't ideal for you, and you're better off in a lively environment where there is a good amount of face to face interaction.

Handwriting Style: Downward-slanting letters.

 

What it may say about you: If your letters lean down, this may sometimes appear as though your words are connected to pessimism and an unpleasant disposition. Only you can know whether or not you're a grumpy employee, and even if you're in a troubled industry like real estate, if you notice that your "p"s and "q"s are looking a little droopy, you might want to observe your interactions with colleagues to see how your presence is being received.

Handwriting Style: Upward-slanting letters.

 

What it may say about you: Whatever you're writing, it makes others feel like things are looking up! Everyone in an office appreciates the energy that an optimist brings to the workplace, and if your writing slants upwards there is a chance that you are among the most desirable of officemates. An upward slanted style can also be indicative of honesty and a strong will to succeed, and those qualities will serve you well in any field of activity, but especially in the field of training and at not for profit organizations.

Handwriting Style: Dark, bold strokes.

 

What it may say about you: Those who use a heavy hand and a good amount of pressure when writing are often thought to be people who are not afraid of commitment. Being able to take on commitment and owning the space (and the pages!) around you is certainly a positive attribute, especially in a field like consulting or banking. However, if your handwriting shows excessive pressure, then it might be a sign of aggression and a quick temper. In addition, you could be causing unnecessary physical stress to your hand and wrist.

Handwriting Style: Faint, light strokes.

 

What it may say about you: Most of the time, writing without too much pressure on the page displays an easy going nature and a level of sensitivity towards others a great trait in multifaceted industries like travel. But write too lightly and you run the risk of showing no confidence or liveliness at all, and nobody wants to hire an employee who doesn't have at least a little pep in their step and ownership of their words!

Handwriting Style: Squished words and cramped sentences.

 

What it may say about you: The way your words bunch together can often be a direct translation to how you create your personal relationships. If you write with little or no space between words, you may be a person who likes little or no space when it comes to people. The positive aspect of this could be that you are a social person who enjoys the company of others, which works wonders in an educational career or in recreation. However, leaving too little space between you and your colleagues might lead some to think of you as intrusive, so be sure to find a balance.

Handwriting Style: Words and sentences that are extremely spaced out.

 

What is may say about you: If you prefer to be alone or feel the need to have your own space at all times, look to see if your written words and letters reflect this by being far away from one another. Everyone needs space from time to time, but make sure that you are not sending yourself and your message to outer space while everyone else is trying to get work done as a close-knit team. Being a top level employee means having to work in groups on occasion, even if your career is an isolated one like those in computer software and hardware, so if you have tendencies towards creating distance, then you might need to make an extra effort to reach out to your colleagues.

A Guy’s Guide To Haberdashery

(By Curmudgeon, posted on Washington Post.com’s AchenBlog, July 15, 2011)

The other day it occurred to me there needs to be a set of formal rules and regulations for guys to follow when shopping for clothes. (Such a guide might be helpful to women, too, so they know what’s going through a guy’s brain, whichever organ may be processing his particular thought patterns at that moment.)  John Molloy’s old classic Dress for Success had a lot to recommend it, but John left a few things out.   Herewith, then, an updated and more inclusive Guy’s Guide to Clothes Shopping:

1) Shop in stores that have masculine, guy-sounding names, such as Sears, Brooks Brothers, Eddie Bauer, Larry’s Haberdashery, the Big-and-Tall Shop, the Short-and-Squat Spot (where I do most of my shopping), and places like that. Be wary of places with names such as “Banana Republic” and “Britches” unless you are a confirmed metrosexual, and any other place with a cutsey pun in the name (“Shirts Happen,” “Ascots for Glasshats,” etc.).  Unless you have two first names like Joe Bob, Billy Tom, Bobby Joe, Jimmy Jack, Joe Don, Don Joe, etc., NEVER shop in any store that has “-Mart” as part of its name.

Stores with names containing things like “Ralph,” “Tommy,” “Giorgio,” are trickier. Some are okay in a pinch, some are not (“Yves” is a no-no, as are any other French names). First, have lots of money. Second, if any of the clothes shown in the window are pastels or have shades with names like “periwinkle,” “fuscia,” “taupe,” etc., stay away. If the window mannequins show male models with long scarves draped around their necks, run like a bandit. 

2) Colors. For some men, colors can be tricky and a source of fashion error, but there is no reason for this to be so difficult. Consult any color wheel and make note of the primary and secondary colors. If the color doesn’t fall on this color wheel, or can’t be found in a box of no more than 16 Milton Bradley crayons, forget it; it is a high-risk color, and probably requires that the item be “matched” (technical jargon phrase “color-coordinated”) with some other item. This is nothing but a source of vexation, and so best avoided.  There is a rumor to the effect that some colors on the color wheel are said to “clash” with the colors directly opposite them on the wheel. I don’t know what this means; you can safely ignore such a silly theory. There is nothing wrong with orange socks and a purple shirt, so far as I’m aware. 

White, black, tan and brown aren’t on the wheel, but are also okay colors. Camouflage is not a color.  Black dress shirts are fine if you are Italian, a member of the Russian Mob, or going to a reunion of your old World War II S.S. battalion. Black dress shirts are always worn with a necktie of a solid color, which can include black and also black. (However, blood-red neckties can be useful for hiding stains, if you know what I mean.)

3) If you live west of the San Andreas Fault or south of the Miami Causeway, it is okay to wear an Armani suit over a T-shirt and/or to roll up the sleeves of said Armani suit. If you live anywhere else, it is not even permissible to own an Armani suit, much less roll the sleeves up. (Actually, it IS permissible to own an Armani suit; however, anyone who would do so isn’t likely to be reading this kit anyhow, so the point is moot.)

 4) Belts: Belts come in a wide variety of colors and materials: brown, black, and leather. Anything else is a fashion faux pas.  (Can somebody explain to me why the championship belt awarded to the winner of the World Wrestling Federation looks like something Liberace designed for Elton John? I could never quite figure that one out. But I digress.)

5) Suspenders: Mork from Ork and topless dancers at the Choo-Choo Lounge can wear them; you can’t. (Major exception: weddings.) Deal with it.

6) Bow ties: See No. 5, above.

7) Shoes: Shoes (ordinary everyday shoes, anyway) come in a wide variety of colors and materials: brown, black, and leather. They come in two styles: with laces, and without. Anything else is a fashion faux pas. Running shoes (formerly known as “sneakers”) come in a wide variety of colors and materials: white, with white laces. They used to come in two colors, black (high-tops) and white (high-tops and low-tops), but not any more. Now they come in a zillion patterns and styles, and some even light up when you bounce on them. If you pay more than $30 for a pair at any place except Pick-and-Pay, you are an idiot.

If your running shoes have little pinky slots for each toe, why then you are just adorable. Only you can decide exactly how adorable you wish to be. Personally, I am already way too adorable for my own good, and don’t need individual pinky sneakers to enhance my natural adorabullishness. Your mileage may vary (though I doubt it).  If you live west of the Mississippi and east of the San Andreas Fault only then can you wear cowboy boots, unless you are younger than eight years old or you are a topless dancer at the Choo-Choo Lounge.

 8) Socks: Socks come in a wide variety of colors: black, and also white. Black socks go with shoes. White socks go with sneakers.  Anything else is a fashion faux pas. See, wasn’t that easy?  If you live within 20 miles of a major body of water (i.e., has salt in it or is freshwater but has the word “Great” as part of its category) you may wear boat shows WITHOUT socks. In fact, if you wear boat shoes at any time, you may dispense with socks at any time, even in the dead of winter in ice-bound Point Barrow.  (If you are in the boating industry, then you already know there is one, and only one, acceptable uniform: Topsiders; no socks; chinos; white, short-sleeve, button-down Oxford shirt, blue hopsack blazer, optional “rep” tie. When I was a yacht broker and sold the Mayflower to the Pilgrims I was wearing Topsiders, no socks, chinos, a blue blazer, and a powdered wig.)

9) T-Shirts: T-shirts come in two kinds: white, and any possible flaming combination of psychedelic colors as long as it features the name and logo of a major rock band’s tour. (The older the tour, the better, as long as you don’t go further back than Rosemary Clooney.  A more recent, contemporaneous tour is acceptable, but Justin Bieber is off limits.)  Hope this helps some of you guys who are a bit sartorially challenged.

8 Ways To Stop An Alien Invasion (In The Movies)

(By Todd Gilchrist, AOL/MovieFone site, Nov 1st 2010)

In the new film 'Skyline,' a mysterious alien race descends upon various cities across the globe and draws humans towards their spacecrafts, presumably for nefarious purposes. But while many of these people, perhaps curious about the secrets of extraterrestrial life that lurk inside, venture eagerly towards the ships' welcoming blue glow, our mothers taught us to be suspicious of vehicles, passersby and especially otherworldly creatures that we don't know.

As such, we felt it only appropriate to assemble a list of ways to stop an alien invasion. Unfortunately, having never encountered an alien in real life, we weren't really sure where to start; with all of these batteries, loaves of bread and bottles of potable water taking up space in our living room, our house seems like more of a makeshift ark than a refuge from tentacled creatures hell-bent on conducting anal probes.

And so it seemed appropriate to go straight to the best source of information available (outside of Wikipedia, of course): Hollywood movies. As it is well-known that Hollywood movie-makers always strive for factual accuracy in all of their efforts, as long as you, the reader, adhere to our list of alien thwarters, you can rest easy knowing that you'll always have the upper hand when and if they choose to come a-probin'.

1. Fire -- 'Aliens' (1986)

Perhaps this is the most obvious of our proposed defenses, but there's no doubt that if you are attacked by a black, phallic-looking monster with two mouths and acid for blood, fire will be the best way to discourage said monster from trying to turn your head into a jack-o-lantern.

2. Water -- 'Signs' (2002), 'Alien Nation' (1988)

Since two thirds of Earth is covered with the chemical combination of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen, it stands to reason that our planet might not be the best destination for aliens to choose for their flagship invasion. But it turns out that if you're not already located near a large body of water, it's probably a good idea to fill up all of your glassware with the stuff should an extraterrestrial stage a home invasion in addition to its planetary one. (It also helps if a member of your family is a disgraced baseball slugger looking for some kind of redemption.)

3. Refrigeration -- 'The Blob' (1958)

If fire and water don't get the job done and your attacker continues its sluglike advances, hole up in a nearby walk-in freezer. Other applications of cold to alien body parts can be administered via fire extinguishers, which will render a creature immobile just long enough for you to bring in a helicopter and drop off its frozen carcass in the middle of the Arctic Circle.

4. A Cold -- 'War of the Worlds' (1953)

In another somewhat stunning lack of foresight, it turns out that quite a few alien attackers are susceptible to many of the earthbound viruses carried in human germs, most notably in the form of the common cold. This of course means that the best place to put an alien is probably in an elementary school or a day care center. But if your little ones aren't ready to fend off a flailing space monster, just make sure that the one knocking down your door is at some point within sneezing distance.

5. Slim Whitman -- 'Mars Attacks' (1996)

Tim Burton's affection for kitschy music typically makes for some memorable scenes, especially when Tom Jones is involved. But the director was really on to something when he uncovered the secret truth that Slim Whitman's yodeling records are recorded on the same frequency that makes alien heads explode. The added benefit of this defense is that while keeping aliens at bay, you get to enjoy some really, really impressive yodeling – which is kind of like a victory in itself.

6. A Macintosh computer -- 'Independence Day' (1996)

As unlikely as it seems, it turns out that Steve Jobs was able to make Apple software a standard operating system for all extraterrestrial vehicles, which means that if you have a MacBook or other type of Apple computer, you should be able to upload a computer virus that will stop virtually any spacecraft, even if it's the mothership of an entire alien race. Of course, unless you for some reason understandably keep computer viruses on hand for just such an occasion, you'll need to be proficient in computer programming -- but if you're a fledgling hacker, please at least spare the rest of humanity the Nigerian email offer you'll be sending them. (We learned our lesson last time, and don't need the temptation again.)

7. A Small Nuclear Explosion -- 'Predator' (1987)

We realize that not everyone is going to have the resources on hand to use this particular method of defense (our local Home Depot has nuclear reactors on back order), but if you can blow the hell out of an alien with an explosive device, it's probably the best way to be absolutely sure that they won't be getting up for a second attack any time soon, if ever. And if you can blow them up with their own explosives, that's an even better victory, since you'll not only have successfully defended yourself and your family, but you'll be able to use one of our favorite phrases: "[the creature] was hoisted by its own petard."

8. Poor Box-Office Showing -- 'Battlefield Earth' (2000)

If all else fails, take a lesson from the rest of humanity and don't spend your money on crap. No offense intended to Scientologists, but Roger Christian's adaptation of L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction novel is seriously one of the worst movies about aliens ever made, and if any lesson can be taken from its awfulness, it's that the best thing to do when you see something that seems truly horrendous is to ignore it, and certainly don't support it with your heard-earned computer hacking money. If you've got to give your attention and income to something on this list, at least make it Slim Whitman, because even if you're not a fan of his quite wonderful yodeling, it's still less painful than watching John Travolta as a Rastafarian extraterrestrial.

http://blog.moviefone.com/2010/11/01/alien-invasion-movies/